I don't know about you, but I live in Kelowna. In Kelowna, there are about 106,000 people at last count. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of opportunity.
I've just been realizing this in a new way so often over the last month. I was volunteering twice a week at my chiropractor's office, helping out with front desk and some random chores. As such, I put away and pulled files several times a day. Each of those files belong to someone. Each of those someones has a name. It was very rewarding for me, personally, to be able to match file names with actual people and to put a name to a face.. even though I hardly ever saw them again. There are probably over two thousand files in that office. When I was putting files away, or grabbing them for the doctor, it struck me every time that each of those files represents a real person, with real goals and dreams, real problems - each of those file people mattered to someone and somebody loved them, even though I might not know them personally (and usually didn't).
The same thing happens when I walk into the mall, or my sister's school, or any busy, public place. To look up and see people... but then to pay attention and change the way you think, and instead of seeing people, you see individuals. To look at the man in the trenchcoat who's walking quickly, and to wonder where he's hurrying to. The young, pregnant lady with a toddler... to wonder if she's on her own or if she's got a loving husband to go home to and help her with her little ones.
I've heard people call this kind of thing stalking. I would have to disagree. I'm not actually asking questions, following, or even looking inside the files as I put them away.. I just pause and am reminded that each one of these people have value.
I was walking to cheer a few weeks ago with my brother (aka close family friend), and we were talking. He often mentions frustrating situations at work, where he deals with customer service a lot. I always tell him to keep smiling, and that by smiling he may change that person's day for the better.. or maybe even their life. I tell him that every time he trains a new employee, even though he has to do everything slowly and perhaps more than once, that maybe he's training the best employee that company will ever have. Maybe that new guy will revolutionize the way this company works and bring them millions. And maybe, just maybe, it's all because of the way and manner he was trained in when he first started. On that particular day, on that particular walk to cheer, we were talking about all the students we'd passed on the way. And it hit me again.
There are 106,000 people in Kelowna. That's 106,000 people that I interact with every day. That's 106,000 people whose lives could be changed by me, if I take care and produce the effort to make it so.
The big word for me in the last couple of weeks has been COMMUNITY. I don't think I've understood better than I do now how important community is.
Community is life. It's protection. It's comfort, and it's love. It's provision, it's education, it's opportunity. It's everything we've ever needed, but we so often choose not to utilize it. We stick with our small circle of friends and rely on them for everything. And you know, that's great. Sometimes, that's all we need. But the world is big, and there's so much more out there. All we have to do is step out the front door and look, and we will meet people and have experiences that will change our lives, right in our own city.
Kelowna, especially, has had a strong sense of community in the past because of our forest fires. People here opened their hearts and their doors for other citizens of the city and surrounding area. It was amazing.
But I think it's fading.
A few weeks ago in church my pastor told us a story. He said that in ancient times, no army would attack Sparta, and that people marveled at the great city because of its strength. He said that the walls were so high, no arrows could fly over them. They were so thick, that no battering ram could penetrate them. They surrounded the city at such great distance that it would be impossible to march around it.
However, when visitors came looking for the famed walls, they found nothing. Sparta was an open city with no barriers of any kind at its perimeters. Confused, they would ask for an explanation of why there was such fame for the walls of Sparta, when clearly none existed.
The answer they would receive was this. When we are attacked, every able man helps to defend our city. Our walls do exist, but only when they need to, only when we create them. The famed height is because in every row one man stands on another's shoulders. Battering rams cannot defeat us, because behind every man stands another, and another, and another, all with shields at ready. They surround the city easily and cannot be penetrated because every man links arms with the one next to him. Together, Spartans form the walls of Sparta, and we are not easily defeated when we are fighting for our homeland.
I don't know if that's true, but what an amazing story and concept. To have such a strong community bond that its fame stretches for miles beyond the community's borders. Obviously, the people of Kelowna aren't going to protect the city from literal invaders... or are they?
Poverty is an invader. Sickness is an invader. Loneliness. Depression. Stress. Even natural disasters like fire. There is so much we can do to strengthen our community, to build up a network of contacts and a web of people that we help and in turn can be helped by. Donate to the food bank. Give blood. Clean up the streets in your neighbourhood. Even something as simple as calling a friend and saying, "Hey, how are you doing? Do you need help with anything?" If you're not into volunteering type things, try involving yourself in sports. Don't litter. Let someone into your lane when you're driving. Try and make a new friend. The most easily accomplished and never used community building tool = smile.
There are 106,000 people in Kelowna. If you don't live here, I'm sure there are people in your city too. Look around you. How many lives can you change today by simply being a better neighbour?
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
No Pain, No Gain
A long time ago, I was taught to never leave blank spaces.
You know what I mean. In art class. I'd be drawing. There would come a point where I would have no more ideas and therefore considered myself finished. Then the teacher would come along and look. If she saw white, she would say, "You're not finished.. there's still space. Fill it up, Ashleigh - use your imagination and draw whatever you want. There's no right or wrong, as long as you fill the page. I know there's more inside of you... fill the page, sweetheart."
So I did. I learned to fill pages with my emotions, my thoughts, my ideas, my plans. I reached a level in my artistic ability where there was never a problem with using the space. But tonight I realized that somewhere along the line, I've forgotten that most simple of lessons - to not stop at what you think is finished, but to reach out and push yourself, to strive, to create. Until you've filled the space.
Tonight I'm babysitting. The boy is three years old, and there are crayons and paper on the table. I filled the space with color and emotion, just as I'd been taught.. but about halfway, I almost stopped. Because I wasn't sure what to do or where to go next. That's when it hit me - this piece of paper is just like my life.
So much has happened to me in the last week that my head is still spinning. Even tonight, I wasn't sure what to blog on... my planned idea seemed so unfit for the way I feel right now. So, instead of blogging, I drew. And through that simple, childlike experience, I grew. And so I knew then that that's what I would tell you. So here's the spew. ;)
Basically, that page is my life, the crayons are my experiences, and I am the artist. This summer I was stuck. Blank. Left with white spaces. I had no idea where to go or what to do. I was getting depressed.
Let me say that I don't think I wasted my whole summer. I put a lot of time and effort into growing some newer friendships and I'm glad I had the time and opportunity to do that. But my plan after getting back from Africa in May had been to work all summer, fall, winter.. and then see what happens. I was going to revert back to where I had been at after I graduated high school. I had three plans.. a) go to university, b) travel abroad, or c) go up north and apprentice to a musher. It didn't work out that way.
After Bible school I lost any motivation for education.. I needed a break. Going up north didn't appeal to me any longer. I wasn't finding a job, even though I put effort into searching. I decided I wanted to go to Europe, and started looking into options to get there.
Nothing worked, and I sat at home for weeks on end, doing nothing with the majority of my time. I was bored, frustrated, and sinking deeper into the depression that had already started.
A few weeks ago, I looked up. I knew I was depressed because I was choosing more and more to sleep my days away, and I wasn't okay with that. So finally, I asked God - "What's the plan? Nothing I want is working and I've lost all my drive. I know I'm not useless and that there's a place for me... what is it?"
Nothing happened right that second, but I was driven back into my Bible, searching for answers. It was encouraging, but it still wasn't fixing my problem.. my future was still a huge, blank space. I posted about how my dreams seemed to be crumbling on Facebook, and my friend's mother offered to meet me for coffee and a chat. She's not exactly professional.. but she is amazing at planning things and setting goals, and I knew that's what I needed to do - so I said yes.
The first time was a few days after the post, and my mood had lightened considerably, and I REALLY didn't want to go. That made me sure that I had to.... because for me, there are two types of "not want" feelings: 1) the regular "I don't really mind if I miss this and it won't affect my life too much if I do (for example, watching Survivor or sometimes missing an event), but then there's b) I really don't want to go and can't get it off my mind, and all I can think about is how much I don't want to go. This meeting was defnintely not want to B. I know from experience that whenever feeling B shows up, that whatever I want to avoid must definitely not be avoided. I went.
She hasn't shared with me a ton that I don't know. I'd say 70-80% of what she's told me in two meetings I knew already... but the difference comes in when you are pushed to apply it to your own life, instead of just spitting it out from memory like you would facts on a test. That was what I wasn't doing - applying it. Coloring the spaces. In fact, I would have to say I was running from it. Leaving the spaces blank because I was too discouraged from past attempts to make things work that failed. She changed that for me.
I am inspired again. I'm learning how to set goals and keep them - something I've never really done. I'm an accountability person. Being accountable to this lady, to be accountable to myself, is the best thing I've done for me in a long time. In the Bible it says clearly, "Without a vision, the people perish." Another common quote says, "Fail to plan, plan to fail." I still had my ideas, but I wasn't applying them to the paper of my life. I wasn't planning, and I was failing.. and miserably, too.
Since that first meeting two weeks ago, when I decided that my life had to change and I had to remotivate myself to move forward, several things have happened. I got a call from a job I had applied for. I went for the interview. Yesterday, I found out that I have the job. I start Monday. I've looked into university again, and I'm seriously considering reapplying.
I reviewed my colors and I'm excited about the prospect of blank space to be filled. I took my ideas and former goals that I ditched on a shelf in the back of my brain and dusted them off. I have a plan once again, and this time I'm not trying to set things up on my own. I've learned that staying motivated, even when ideas don't work out the first time, is way easier when you firstly give it up to the Master Artist and say, "I need a little nudge... can you show me the way?" and secondly when you surround yourself with people who encourage you to push yourself and applaud your successes along the way.
Even this blog has renewed life within it.. I've wanted to quit, but one very dear friend of mine texted or facebooked me every Saturday to tell me she loved my writing and to keep going, to not give up. There would only be about 5 posts if it weren't for Kira Machek.
And there would still be a very sad and bored Ashleigh if God hadn't nudged me in Jody Wielgosz's direction, and through her shown me that my goals are worth keeping and accomplishing.
I know you both read this, and I want to publicly thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you've done for me. I love you and I pray that God blesses you richly for the help you've been to me.
This is a really long blog, and I'm sorry for that. But that's where I am tonight. I'm the artist of my own sheet of paper, and I've new ideas and a new excitement for the blank spaces. I hope this encourages you to start drawing again, to begin to fill up the white spots on your own sheet of life paper - because your goals, dreams and ideas are worth saving, too.
You know what I mean. In art class. I'd be drawing. There would come a point where I would have no more ideas and therefore considered myself finished. Then the teacher would come along and look. If she saw white, she would say, "You're not finished.. there's still space. Fill it up, Ashleigh - use your imagination and draw whatever you want. There's no right or wrong, as long as you fill the page. I know there's more inside of you... fill the page, sweetheart."
So I did. I learned to fill pages with my emotions, my thoughts, my ideas, my plans. I reached a level in my artistic ability where there was never a problem with using the space. But tonight I realized that somewhere along the line, I've forgotten that most simple of lessons - to not stop at what you think is finished, but to reach out and push yourself, to strive, to create. Until you've filled the space.
Tonight I'm babysitting. The boy is three years old, and there are crayons and paper on the table. I filled the space with color and emotion, just as I'd been taught.. but about halfway, I almost stopped. Because I wasn't sure what to do or where to go next. That's when it hit me - this piece of paper is just like my life.
So much has happened to me in the last week that my head is still spinning. Even tonight, I wasn't sure what to blog on... my planned idea seemed so unfit for the way I feel right now. So, instead of blogging, I drew. And through that simple, childlike experience, I grew. And so I knew then that that's what I would tell you. So here's the spew. ;)
Basically, that page is my life, the crayons are my experiences, and I am the artist. This summer I was stuck. Blank. Left with white spaces. I had no idea where to go or what to do. I was getting depressed.
Let me say that I don't think I wasted my whole summer. I put a lot of time and effort into growing some newer friendships and I'm glad I had the time and opportunity to do that. But my plan after getting back from Africa in May had been to work all summer, fall, winter.. and then see what happens. I was going to revert back to where I had been at after I graduated high school. I had three plans.. a) go to university, b) travel abroad, or c) go up north and apprentice to a musher. It didn't work out that way.
After Bible school I lost any motivation for education.. I needed a break. Going up north didn't appeal to me any longer. I wasn't finding a job, even though I put effort into searching. I decided I wanted to go to Europe, and started looking into options to get there.
Nothing worked, and I sat at home for weeks on end, doing nothing with the majority of my time. I was bored, frustrated, and sinking deeper into the depression that had already started.
A few weeks ago, I looked up. I knew I was depressed because I was choosing more and more to sleep my days away, and I wasn't okay with that. So finally, I asked God - "What's the plan? Nothing I want is working and I've lost all my drive. I know I'm not useless and that there's a place for me... what is it?"
Nothing happened right that second, but I was driven back into my Bible, searching for answers. It was encouraging, but it still wasn't fixing my problem.. my future was still a huge, blank space. I posted about how my dreams seemed to be crumbling on Facebook, and my friend's mother offered to meet me for coffee and a chat. She's not exactly professional.. but she is amazing at planning things and setting goals, and I knew that's what I needed to do - so I said yes.
The first time was a few days after the post, and my mood had lightened considerably, and I REALLY didn't want to go. That made me sure that I had to.... because for me, there are two types of "not want" feelings: 1) the regular "I don't really mind if I miss this and it won't affect my life too much if I do (for example, watching Survivor or sometimes missing an event), but then there's b) I really don't want to go and can't get it off my mind, and all I can think about is how much I don't want to go. This meeting was defnintely not want to B. I know from experience that whenever feeling B shows up, that whatever I want to avoid must definitely not be avoided. I went.
She hasn't shared with me a ton that I don't know. I'd say 70-80% of what she's told me in two meetings I knew already... but the difference comes in when you are pushed to apply it to your own life, instead of just spitting it out from memory like you would facts on a test. That was what I wasn't doing - applying it. Coloring the spaces. In fact, I would have to say I was running from it. Leaving the spaces blank because I was too discouraged from past attempts to make things work that failed. She changed that for me.
I am inspired again. I'm learning how to set goals and keep them - something I've never really done. I'm an accountability person. Being accountable to this lady, to be accountable to myself, is the best thing I've done for me in a long time. In the Bible it says clearly, "Without a vision, the people perish." Another common quote says, "Fail to plan, plan to fail." I still had my ideas, but I wasn't applying them to the paper of my life. I wasn't planning, and I was failing.. and miserably, too.
Since that first meeting two weeks ago, when I decided that my life had to change and I had to remotivate myself to move forward, several things have happened. I got a call from a job I had applied for. I went for the interview. Yesterday, I found out that I have the job. I start Monday. I've looked into university again, and I'm seriously considering reapplying.
I reviewed my colors and I'm excited about the prospect of blank space to be filled. I took my ideas and former goals that I ditched on a shelf in the back of my brain and dusted them off. I have a plan once again, and this time I'm not trying to set things up on my own. I've learned that staying motivated, even when ideas don't work out the first time, is way easier when you firstly give it up to the Master Artist and say, "I need a little nudge... can you show me the way?" and secondly when you surround yourself with people who encourage you to push yourself and applaud your successes along the way.
Even this blog has renewed life within it.. I've wanted to quit, but one very dear friend of mine texted or facebooked me every Saturday to tell me she loved my writing and to keep going, to not give up. There would only be about 5 posts if it weren't for Kira Machek.
And there would still be a very sad and bored Ashleigh if God hadn't nudged me in Jody Wielgosz's direction, and through her shown me that my goals are worth keeping and accomplishing.
I know you both read this, and I want to publicly thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you've done for me. I love you and I pray that God blesses you richly for the help you've been to me.
This is a really long blog, and I'm sorry for that. But that's where I am tonight. I'm the artist of my own sheet of paper, and I've new ideas and a new excitement for the blank spaces. I hope this encourages you to start drawing again, to begin to fill up the white spots on your own sheet of life paper - because your goals, dreams and ideas are worth saving, too.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Just Should Never Be An Adverb
Have you ever seen the movie Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium? If not, I highly recommend it. I won't tell you any more than the trailer would, but the show is about a magical toystore and how it changes several people's lives. It's a wonderful movie with a lot of valuable lessons. Personally, it's my favorite after Cinderella.
Anyway. At one point in this movie, two of the principal characters are discussing the store. Molly Mahoney is the general manager of the toy store, and Henry Weston is an accountant that has been hired to determine the worth of said store. They have several discussions during the film, usually on some level of an argument because Mahoney sees the store for what it is - magical. Henry Weston, being a logically minded person, simply sees a toystore and a mountain of paperwork for himself in order to complete the job he's been hired for. There is one conversation, however, that strikes me every time I watch the show (yes, that's been quite a few times now), and that I'm sure I will never forget. Weston is seated on a bench just in front of the store when he and Mahoney get in to it once again:
Molly Mahoney: I knew it. As soon as I saw that suit.
Henry Weston: Knew what?
Molly Mahoney: You're a 'just' guy.
Henry Weston: What's a 'just' guy?
Molly Mahoney: A guy just like you. Same hair, same suit, same shoes, walks around, no matter what, you think it's all just a store, it's just a bench, it's just a tree. It's just what it is, nothing more!
Henry Weston: Alright but, but this
[looks over his shoulder]
Henry Weston: is just a store.
Molly Mahoney: I'm sure to you... it is.
What Mahoney sees, but Weston has failed to recognize, is that the Wonder Emporium is much more than 'just' a store... magical or not, it has more value than being simply a place in which to sell toys to eager children.
I was in a similar situation earlier today. A friend and I were conversing about a girl he wants to get to know, but how circumstances aren't helping and he's finding it difficult. He used the same phrase to express his disappointment, as a way to try to dismiss it as unimportant and therefore not worth his frustration - "She's just a girl."
Of course, that may be true if that's how you choose to look at it. We're all 'just' people - if you take away everything about us that makes us people. I countered him quickly, saying "Nobody is ever 'just' anything..." and went on to explain that like he was not 'just' a guy - he has dreams, a future, love to give - that girl isn't 'just' any girl; she's a girl he wants to become friends with and that makes that girl much more important than 'just' being anyone.
The word just can be used, obviously, in many different ways. It's a great word... it can mean something is fair and within reason, as in a just punishment, it can mean by a very small margin, as in you just missed it... but I'm of the opinion that the usage of that particular word in describing things or people should VERY CAREFULLY be done.
You can say the night is just too dark to see outside. You can say your shoes are just too small... for you. But to say that the shoes are just too small.. period.. well, it of course makes sense to you because they no longer fit your feet. However, they aren't too small for someone else, are they? In the same way, my buddy saying that she's "just a girl" allows him to undermine both her importance as a person, but also to undermine his desire to attain her friendship. By her just being another girl, she's equal to every other girl and her sought out friendship could easily be replaced with another girl's... but it JUST doesn't work that way! Sure, another girl could be his friend. Any number of girls could, actually. That does not make up for, in any way, not having the friendship of this particular girl that he wants to be friends with... she is not just anything. She is a girl, with a name, with a history, with a future - she's a girl, unlike any other girl, whose friendship will be unique.
Saying that something is 'just' what it is, as Henry Weston does about the Emporium, grandly reduces its capacity to be anything but that. By saying it's just a toy store, Weston doesn't even allow for the possibility of it being a place of joy, of learning and discovery, of building new friendships - let alone it being magical. Saying that the boy sitting on the football bench watching the game is 'just a wee bit too small' to play immediately limits him... there's no room for him to grow, literally or metaphorically. That same boy, hearing those words, may never believe he'll be big enough to play football with his buddies. Even if he grows to six feet and 200 pounds and could be the best linebacker in his high school's history, he might just remembering overhearing those words, and never believe in himself or give himself the opportunity to try.. he might say to himself, "I'm too small.. I probably won't be able to throw the ball far enough, or run fast enough.. they're right. I'll just be no good."
It happens all the time.. as a POD lyric says - "The same situations - just different faces." You're just this.. just that.. just not adept enough.. just a little too slow. You're just what you are, it's just what it is, and there's no possible way you or it can get any better.
Isn't that ridiculous?!? We need to make a cooperative effort to stop this vicious cycle of justing each other. Flip it all together... every time you hear someone about to say "She's just.." jump in there with every single positive idea you can get together in thirty seconds. "... Gorgeous, talented, got a great attitude, strong.."
Make that effort to refrain from placing limits.
Break the cycle.
Because you aren't just what people say you are, and neither is anyone or anything else.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure... build up the treasures. Don't look at what it is. Imagine what it could become. Everything has more value to it than what first meets the eye. People especially, have inestimable value, if only you look for it.
No limits - only encouragement. Let's JUST focus on that.
Anyway. At one point in this movie, two of the principal characters are discussing the store. Molly Mahoney is the general manager of the toy store, and Henry Weston is an accountant that has been hired to determine the worth of said store. They have several discussions during the film, usually on some level of an argument because Mahoney sees the store for what it is - magical. Henry Weston, being a logically minded person, simply sees a toystore and a mountain of paperwork for himself in order to complete the job he's been hired for. There is one conversation, however, that strikes me every time I watch the show (yes, that's been quite a few times now), and that I'm sure I will never forget. Weston is seated on a bench just in front of the store when he and Mahoney get in to it once again:
Molly Mahoney: I knew it. As soon as I saw that suit.
Henry Weston: Knew what?
Molly Mahoney: You're a 'just' guy.
Henry Weston: What's a 'just' guy?
Molly Mahoney: A guy just like you. Same hair, same suit, same shoes, walks around, no matter what, you think it's all just a store, it's just a bench, it's just a tree. It's just what it is, nothing more!
Henry Weston: Alright but, but this
[looks over his shoulder]
Henry Weston: is just a store.
Molly Mahoney: I'm sure to you... it is.
What Mahoney sees, but Weston has failed to recognize, is that the Wonder Emporium is much more than 'just' a store... magical or not, it has more value than being simply a place in which to sell toys to eager children.
I was in a similar situation earlier today. A friend and I were conversing about a girl he wants to get to know, but how circumstances aren't helping and he's finding it difficult. He used the same phrase to express his disappointment, as a way to try to dismiss it as unimportant and therefore not worth his frustration - "She's just a girl."
Of course, that may be true if that's how you choose to look at it. We're all 'just' people - if you take away everything about us that makes us people. I countered him quickly, saying "Nobody is ever 'just' anything..." and went on to explain that like he was not 'just' a guy - he has dreams, a future, love to give - that girl isn't 'just' any girl; she's a girl he wants to become friends with and that makes that girl much more important than 'just' being anyone.
The word just can be used, obviously, in many different ways. It's a great word... it can mean something is fair and within reason, as in a just punishment, it can mean by a very small margin, as in you just missed it... but I'm of the opinion that the usage of that particular word in describing things or people should VERY CAREFULLY be done.
You can say the night is just too dark to see outside. You can say your shoes are just too small... for you. But to say that the shoes are just too small.. period.. well, it of course makes sense to you because they no longer fit your feet. However, they aren't too small for someone else, are they? In the same way, my buddy saying that she's "just a girl" allows him to undermine both her importance as a person, but also to undermine his desire to attain her friendship. By her just being another girl, she's equal to every other girl and her sought out friendship could easily be replaced with another girl's... but it JUST doesn't work that way! Sure, another girl could be his friend. Any number of girls could, actually. That does not make up for, in any way, not having the friendship of this particular girl that he wants to be friends with... she is not just anything. She is a girl, with a name, with a history, with a future - she's a girl, unlike any other girl, whose friendship will be unique.
Saying that something is 'just' what it is, as Henry Weston does about the Emporium, grandly reduces its capacity to be anything but that. By saying it's just a toy store, Weston doesn't even allow for the possibility of it being a place of joy, of learning and discovery, of building new friendships - let alone it being magical. Saying that the boy sitting on the football bench watching the game is 'just a wee bit too small' to play immediately limits him... there's no room for him to grow, literally or metaphorically. That same boy, hearing those words, may never believe he'll be big enough to play football with his buddies. Even if he grows to six feet and 200 pounds and could be the best linebacker in his high school's history, he might just remembering overhearing those words, and never believe in himself or give himself the opportunity to try.. he might say to himself, "I'm too small.. I probably won't be able to throw the ball far enough, or run fast enough.. they're right. I'll just be no good."
It happens all the time.. as a POD lyric says - "The same situations - just different faces." You're just this.. just that.. just not adept enough.. just a little too slow. You're just what you are, it's just what it is, and there's no possible way you or it can get any better.
Isn't that ridiculous?!? We need to make a cooperative effort to stop this vicious cycle of justing each other. Flip it all together... every time you hear someone about to say "She's just.." jump in there with every single positive idea you can get together in thirty seconds. "... Gorgeous, talented, got a great attitude, strong.."
Make that effort to refrain from placing limits.
Break the cycle.
Because you aren't just what people say you are, and neither is anyone or anything else.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure... build up the treasures. Don't look at what it is. Imagine what it could become. Everything has more value to it than what first meets the eye. People especially, have inestimable value, if only you look for it.
No limits - only encouragement. Let's JUST focus on that.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Too Much Turkey
I had a few ideas for what I was going to write today - at least, until a few minutes ago. Then I remembered that is Thanksgiving weekend, and it passed through my head that people usually write about something Thanksgiving-related on Thanksgiving. I was deciding whether I should go along with that tradition, but when I revisited the shelf in my brain where I keep my blog ideas, it seems that the Thanksgiving one has crowded everything else out and I simply can't remember any of the others at the moment. Which is kind of weird, and kind of amusing - but I guess I don't have a choice now but to blog about Thanksgiving. However, I'm okay with that.. it's a holiday worth taking note of.
Anyways, here's what I was thinking about Thanksgiving:
Somestimes, it's really a difficult thing to give thanks. Once in a while, we just feel like nothing's going our way and there really isn't anything that we can be thankful for. The usual options - family, friends, food, a home, our pets - just aren't there, aren't working for us. If this is the way you feel, you're not alone...
I've felt like that. You've felt like that. Everyone has those days, months, periods of our lives. It can be hard, especially at a time like Thanksgiving, when the inevitable question eventually pops up - "What are you thankful for?" and you have nothing to say in reply.
A lot of times people are rubbing it in your face, too.. intentionally or not. Common phrase: "If you've got clothes, a roof over your head, and food to eat, you're in the richest two percent of the world," or something along those lines. A friend comes over and says how lucky you are to have that dinner with your family every year; she misses her parents so much this time of year. There's so much turkey talk that you feel birded out and you wish the things would die and we'd all eat pizza.
Yes. I've experienced all of this.
But! That doesn't mean necessarily mean we're rotten, hopeless, or guilty of ingratitude. Of course, it CAN mean those things - but we'll assume for both our sakes that when you or I feel this way, we're just traversing a bit of a rough patch of road in our life. That, in turn, means good news - rough patches never last forever.
Personally, I've found when I'm depressed or stressed and finding it hard to be thankful for much, it helps to look for something I appreciate.
Yes, there is a difference. Check it out.
thank·ful
adj.
1. Aware and appreciative of a benefit; grateful.
ap·pre·ci·a·tion
n.
1. Recognition of the quality, value, significance, or magnitude of people and things
See, the way I look at things is this.
You may not be able to feel gratitude for something or someone, even if you can for other things. (Ex. You're thankful for your dog, but right now you're estranged from your brother who is involved in a gang and it's feeling really hard to be thankful for him.)
Or, which usually happens in my case, you're just down and find it hard to appreciate anything... you just don't care, or worse, you'd really rather not have it anyway (for me, that's turkey, every year.. I really don't care for it much!)
Even though I may find it hard to be thankful, it is never hard to recognize the value or significance of something. Even if I hate my family this year (which I don't, but), I can still point out why they're significant to me and to others, even if I don't feel it.
I may not care that I have a house or clothes when I'm hurting, but it would take a simpleton to be unable to point out the importance of such things.
In my experience, cultivating an appreciation for things and people is often easier than being outright thankful for them, if you're having a hard time with it. The good news is being thankful gets easier as well! No matter what you're dealing with, if you continually point out why something is valuable, how it can be used, why someone is worth having around, what you appreciate about a person, you're bound to feel more and more of the worth of the person or item you are describing.
So if you're feeling the effects of the Thanksgiving blues, don't despair. Walk outside and start small - notice the fall leaves on the ground. Even if you think they're the ugliest things on the planet, all wet and rotten, make notice of the fact that they are integral to the land as decomposing fertilizer, and habitat for small animals who use them to line burrows, etc. Just take whatever you know, pick out the positives, and make a list. Sooner or later, you'll find you appreciate those leaves much more than you used to. Maybe go bigger on your next walk. Notice the neighbourhood kids who use the leaves to jump around in, or rake up for a bit of extra cash. See how we're tacking on the levels of importance? Maybe, eventually, if you keep at it, you'll value those leaves as much as you value your children, your parents, your vehicle..
Or maybe not. Just kidding ;)
That's my Thanksgiving challenge to you this season. If you're experiencing difficulty in your thankful attitude, start small and get bigger. If you're not, maybe recommend this strategy to someone else you know is having a hard time of it right now.
Regardless of where you are in your life and what you have or don't, make sure you find at least one thing that you are definitely appreciative of. Thankfulness is a community thing - as soon as you're thankful for something, it inspires it in someone else.. it's a domino effect. And legitimate appreciation for things, services, and other people helps everyone to feel valued and reminds us that we all have worth.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
Anyways, here's what I was thinking about Thanksgiving:
Somestimes, it's really a difficult thing to give thanks. Once in a while, we just feel like nothing's going our way and there really isn't anything that we can be thankful for. The usual options - family, friends, food, a home, our pets - just aren't there, aren't working for us. If this is the way you feel, you're not alone...
I've felt like that. You've felt like that. Everyone has those days, months, periods of our lives. It can be hard, especially at a time like Thanksgiving, when the inevitable question eventually pops up - "What are you thankful for?" and you have nothing to say in reply.
A lot of times people are rubbing it in your face, too.. intentionally or not. Common phrase: "If you've got clothes, a roof over your head, and food to eat, you're in the richest two percent of the world," or something along those lines. A friend comes over and says how lucky you are to have that dinner with your family every year; she misses her parents so much this time of year. There's so much turkey talk that you feel birded out and you wish the things would die and we'd all eat pizza.
Yes. I've experienced all of this.
But! That doesn't mean necessarily mean we're rotten, hopeless, or guilty of ingratitude. Of course, it CAN mean those things - but we'll assume for both our sakes that when you or I feel this way, we're just traversing a bit of a rough patch of road in our life. That, in turn, means good news - rough patches never last forever.
Personally, I've found when I'm depressed or stressed and finding it hard to be thankful for much, it helps to look for something I appreciate.
Yes, there is a difference. Check it out.
thank·ful
adj.
1. Aware and appreciative of a benefit; grateful.
ap·pre·ci·a·tion
n.
1. Recognition of the quality, value, significance, or magnitude of people and things
See, the way I look at things is this.
You may not be able to feel gratitude for something or someone, even if you can for other things. (Ex. You're thankful for your dog, but right now you're estranged from your brother who is involved in a gang and it's feeling really hard to be thankful for him.)
Or, which usually happens in my case, you're just down and find it hard to appreciate anything... you just don't care, or worse, you'd really rather not have it anyway (for me, that's turkey, every year.. I really don't care for it much!)
Even though I may find it hard to be thankful, it is never hard to recognize the value or significance of something. Even if I hate my family this year (which I don't, but), I can still point out why they're significant to me and to others, even if I don't feel it.
I may not care that I have a house or clothes when I'm hurting, but it would take a simpleton to be unable to point out the importance of such things.
In my experience, cultivating an appreciation for things and people is often easier than being outright thankful for them, if you're having a hard time with it. The good news is being thankful gets easier as well! No matter what you're dealing with, if you continually point out why something is valuable, how it can be used, why someone is worth having around, what you appreciate about a person, you're bound to feel more and more of the worth of the person or item you are describing.
So if you're feeling the effects of the Thanksgiving blues, don't despair. Walk outside and start small - notice the fall leaves on the ground. Even if you think they're the ugliest things on the planet, all wet and rotten, make notice of the fact that they are integral to the land as decomposing fertilizer, and habitat for small animals who use them to line burrows, etc. Just take whatever you know, pick out the positives, and make a list. Sooner or later, you'll find you appreciate those leaves much more than you used to. Maybe go bigger on your next walk. Notice the neighbourhood kids who use the leaves to jump around in, or rake up for a bit of extra cash. See how we're tacking on the levels of importance? Maybe, eventually, if you keep at it, you'll value those leaves as much as you value your children, your parents, your vehicle..
Or maybe not. Just kidding ;)
That's my Thanksgiving challenge to you this season. If you're experiencing difficulty in your thankful attitude, start small and get bigger. If you're not, maybe recommend this strategy to someone else you know is having a hard time of it right now.
Regardless of where you are in your life and what you have or don't, make sure you find at least one thing that you are definitely appreciative of. Thankfulness is a community thing - as soon as you're thankful for something, it inspires it in someone else.. it's a domino effect. And legitimate appreciation for things, services, and other people helps everyone to feel valued and reminds us that we all have worth.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Because Jordan Dared Me.
Words can be injurious. We all know that. However, have you ever thought about how a lack of words could potentially do more damage? In the last few hours, that's really all I could think about.
You may not understand right away. That's okay. We as a society have been taught time and time again to view things from one perspective, and it takes some serious work to break out of that box and see life from a different angle.
So when you think about words, and how they hurt, the first thing that probably comes to mind is some form of bullying or verbal abuse. These are bad. They do hurt. People are victims all the time... less than a week ago, a young homosexual boy shot himself in the head because of the abuse he received at school:
http://www.kidglue.com/2010/09/30/asher-brown-suicide-parents-speak-out-against-bullying-watch/
He was the third young male to do so in three weeks. All for the same reason.
Not that I'm advocating homosexuality. I'm strongly against it. But that boy's life was worth something - and he chose to end it because of words. Not every situation is that intense, but every situation matters.
Earlier this week, I heard someone speak for a few minutes on self esteem. I knew what it was, of course, but he gave me a new understanding of the words, and therefore a deeper appreciation for what they signify. Self esteem is literally self estimation. Let me make that a little clearer. It's how you estimate yourself. Your skills. Your abilities. Your looks. Your personality. Your worth. A person who esteems himself well is a rare sight today. Most of us already underestimate ourselves considerably - and it isn't hard for the little estimation we allow ourselves to get pushed aside by sneering, angry, hurtful words.... or a lack of words at all.
You're probably still wondering what I meant by that. If you've figured it out, congratulations. If not.. imagine this. A high school sports team. Every school has one. That new kid that joined this season. Not much skill-wise, and sort of a social outcast. Nobody talks to him unless they have to.
Direct words can and do cut, but it's been proven that people will take a verbally abusive relationship over absolute solitude, without contact of any kind. Nobody wants to be ignored, and in some ways, that can hurt more than being bullied. Nobody's stupid enough to not notice when everyone else is avoiding them.
My sister and I were talking about her cheer team today. This is going on there, what I will call a silent form of bullying. Together, the team seems strong, and they talk with each other. There are five boys and I think about twenty two girls, give or take one or two. They work as a team, and in practice everyone seems to get along fine... but as soon as practice is over and there's only two or three left, the words start.
"I really, really don't like her." "He's so weird, I wish he'd never joined the team." "She shouldn't have made it, she..." During practice, it's noticable, too. They work together because they have to. But for the most part, the experienced ones stay in a group on water breaks. A couple of the guys are consistantly ignored by the girls - thankfully, the guys treat each other decently and fairly, and they seem to be striking up friendships. But I can't help but see when those two or three that six, or seven, or even all of the team "don't like" show up for practice, and get constantly ignored.. not even a hello, or how was your day... and I see the pain in their eyes as they face the rejection. And even if they don't hear the words, they get the message.
It hurts me. It really does. I mean, I can understand if perhaps they have a bad day with another person and maybe they grated on each other's nerves. That happens.
But when my sister started in on a few people again tonight when we were talking, I turned to her and I was like, "Why don't you like so-and-so? She seems really nice." My sister shrugged her shoulders and was like, "I don't know.. I just don't."
I was floored. I almost wanted to pound her into the floor... but obviously she hasn't thought this out much. So I didn't. It seems to be common at her school. It seems to be common everywhere. That really, really, REALLY bothers me.
She said something about one of the guys, and I was like, "Why can't you give him a chance?!? He may not have his skills perfected yet, but he's a first year! Sometimes people take a little longer to learn.. and this is definitely not natural for any of those boys." She chose to focus on what he was doing wrong that day, and how many times they've corrected him, "but he still doesn't get it." No mention was made of his awesome attitude toward cheer, his natural affibility with his teammates, how much he was improving on other aspects of the routine in the few weeks he'd been part of the team.
It seems like this is becoming part and parcel of today's culture. I'm ashamed to say that much of my generation (the '90's kids), have grown up either without being taught to consider, or even worse, choosing to ignore how they might be affecting the feelings of others. They don't want to take responsibility for their words, because that would mean realizing the damage that all those tiny daggers they have shot out every day for so long actually hurt people. Or, they follow that age old adage, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I don't think the author of that statement meant for individuals to be blandly ignored. Either extreme causes unnecessary pain.
The Bible explains it well...I really don't think it gets much better than this:
If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It's better to enter eternal life with only one hand than to go into the unquenchable fires of hell with two hands.
- Mark 9:43
In other words, if there's a part of you that causes damage and hurt to others, either change it or get rid of it. We are losing the ability to focus on the positives of people. I don't want to see more damaged kids. I don't want to see self esteem sink lower and lower. I don't want to see more suicides because we as a society couldn't control our tongues.
Every time I'm at cheer practice, I make a point of talking to those kids who are on the outside. I tell them I'm happy they're there. I tell them they did a great job that day. I point out things I've noticed they improved on. I do whatever I can to make sure they know that at least one other person aside from the coach is glad they're alive and they showed up today.
I know it's not Saturday, and I know that until now, I've been blogging on the weekends. But this caused enough turmoil within my heart for those kids that I felt strongly that I had to write. Today.
I'm trying to train my brain to see the good, and transfer that ability to the muscle in my mouth. I don't want to hurt others. There's enough people doing that. It's hard work sometimes, but as with anything, it comes easier with practice.
What about you? Are you one who continually tears folks down, or do you put effort into building others up? Be mindful of what you say - and we all can always improve.
There's no better time to make the decision to change the way you speak than right now. The next step is to act on it.
You may not understand right away. That's okay. We as a society have been taught time and time again to view things from one perspective, and it takes some serious work to break out of that box and see life from a different angle.
So when you think about words, and how they hurt, the first thing that probably comes to mind is some form of bullying or verbal abuse. These are bad. They do hurt. People are victims all the time... less than a week ago, a young homosexual boy shot himself in the head because of the abuse he received at school:
http://www.kidglue.com/2010/09/30/asher-brown-suicide-parents-speak-out-against-bullying-watch/
He was the third young male to do so in three weeks. All for the same reason.
Not that I'm advocating homosexuality. I'm strongly against it. But that boy's life was worth something - and he chose to end it because of words. Not every situation is that intense, but every situation matters.
Earlier this week, I heard someone speak for a few minutes on self esteem. I knew what it was, of course, but he gave me a new understanding of the words, and therefore a deeper appreciation for what they signify. Self esteem is literally self estimation. Let me make that a little clearer. It's how you estimate yourself. Your skills. Your abilities. Your looks. Your personality. Your worth. A person who esteems himself well is a rare sight today. Most of us already underestimate ourselves considerably - and it isn't hard for the little estimation we allow ourselves to get pushed aside by sneering, angry, hurtful words.... or a lack of words at all.
You're probably still wondering what I meant by that. If you've figured it out, congratulations. If not.. imagine this. A high school sports team. Every school has one. That new kid that joined this season. Not much skill-wise, and sort of a social outcast. Nobody talks to him unless they have to.
Direct words can and do cut, but it's been proven that people will take a verbally abusive relationship over absolute solitude, without contact of any kind. Nobody wants to be ignored, and in some ways, that can hurt more than being bullied. Nobody's stupid enough to not notice when everyone else is avoiding them.
My sister and I were talking about her cheer team today. This is going on there, what I will call a silent form of bullying. Together, the team seems strong, and they talk with each other. There are five boys and I think about twenty two girls, give or take one or two. They work as a team, and in practice everyone seems to get along fine... but as soon as practice is over and there's only two or three left, the words start.
"I really, really don't like her." "He's so weird, I wish he'd never joined the team." "She shouldn't have made it, she..." During practice, it's noticable, too. They work together because they have to. But for the most part, the experienced ones stay in a group on water breaks. A couple of the guys are consistantly ignored by the girls - thankfully, the guys treat each other decently and fairly, and they seem to be striking up friendships. But I can't help but see when those two or three that six, or seven, or even all of the team "don't like" show up for practice, and get constantly ignored.. not even a hello, or how was your day... and I see the pain in their eyes as they face the rejection. And even if they don't hear the words, they get the message.
It hurts me. It really does. I mean, I can understand if perhaps they have a bad day with another person and maybe they grated on each other's nerves. That happens.
But when my sister started in on a few people again tonight when we were talking, I turned to her and I was like, "Why don't you like so-and-so? She seems really nice." My sister shrugged her shoulders and was like, "I don't know.. I just don't."
I was floored. I almost wanted to pound her into the floor... but obviously she hasn't thought this out much. So I didn't. It seems to be common at her school. It seems to be common everywhere. That really, really, REALLY bothers me.
She said something about one of the guys, and I was like, "Why can't you give him a chance?!? He may not have his skills perfected yet, but he's a first year! Sometimes people take a little longer to learn.. and this is definitely not natural for any of those boys." She chose to focus on what he was doing wrong that day, and how many times they've corrected him, "but he still doesn't get it." No mention was made of his awesome attitude toward cheer, his natural affibility with his teammates, how much he was improving on other aspects of the routine in the few weeks he'd been part of the team.
It seems like this is becoming part and parcel of today's culture. I'm ashamed to say that much of my generation (the '90's kids), have grown up either without being taught to consider, or even worse, choosing to ignore how they might be affecting the feelings of others. They don't want to take responsibility for their words, because that would mean realizing the damage that all those tiny daggers they have shot out every day for so long actually hurt people. Or, they follow that age old adage, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I don't think the author of that statement meant for individuals to be blandly ignored. Either extreme causes unnecessary pain.
The Bible explains it well...I really don't think it gets much better than this:
If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It's better to enter eternal life with only one hand than to go into the unquenchable fires of hell with two hands.
- Mark 9:43
In other words, if there's a part of you that causes damage and hurt to others, either change it or get rid of it. We are losing the ability to focus on the positives of people. I don't want to see more damaged kids. I don't want to see self esteem sink lower and lower. I don't want to see more suicides because we as a society couldn't control our tongues.
Every time I'm at cheer practice, I make a point of talking to those kids who are on the outside. I tell them I'm happy they're there. I tell them they did a great job that day. I point out things I've noticed they improved on. I do whatever I can to make sure they know that at least one other person aside from the coach is glad they're alive and they showed up today.
I know it's not Saturday, and I know that until now, I've been blogging on the weekends. But this caused enough turmoil within my heart for those kids that I felt strongly that I had to write. Today.
I'm trying to train my brain to see the good, and transfer that ability to the muscle in my mouth. I don't want to hurt others. There's enough people doing that. It's hard work sometimes, but as with anything, it comes easier with practice.
What about you? Are you one who continually tears folks down, or do you put effort into building others up? Be mindful of what you say - and we all can always improve.
There's no better time to make the decision to change the way you speak than right now. The next step is to act on it.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Don't Choke.
Last night, I was texting a buddy and out of the blue he says, "Oh, and I want to talk about your definition of unconditional love. It bugs me." I was like, "Okay..."
At first, I was like, I didn't define it.. not really. Just my opinion. But then I realized that my opinion pretty much is my definition. After I understood that, I was like, okay, let's talk.
It went well and we are still friends.. but that's not really what this blog is about. His comment made me realize that people may pay more attention to this blog than simply reading it occasionally, or even weekly - that maybe, they might think that because I say something, it's truth, or.. you know?
Not to say that what I say may not be true, but that worried me a little. I want you all to understand something. This blog is simply my opinion and perspective on what I'm learning through my daily life experience. My goal is not to instruct you on how you should be. I'm not God, nor am I holding a gun to your head, forcing you to accept my ideas. All I really want this blog to be is an outlet for me, and for all of you, something to make you think. I just want you to think.
My teachers were gracious enough to teach me to think intelligently. To ask questions. To voice opinions. I'm asking you to do the same. With everything you come across - especially this blog. If you don't agree with something I say, or someone else says, that's fine! Same if you agree. Or have a different perspective or take on an idea.
When I read an article in the newspaper or online, I don't just read it from one paper. I search two or three different versions of the story from different sources. Some people miss facts, others twist quotes, or even spin the story into a direction it shouldn't have necessarily taken. Anyone is capable of doing it.
Your opinion and voice are important - but what's even MORE important is how you use them. Stand up. Look at Robespierre in the French revolution. Or a more recent example: British Columbians and the HST. 700,000+ against this tax.. you have power as an individual.
Also, when you're being exposed to information - whether through literature, a speech, the internet, the radio... whatever - check the sources. Talk about it with others. Look for opposite opinions on the same subject. Education is the key... learn as much as you can about something before you make a decision.
So really, what I'm trying to say is this. I hope you like my blog. I know that several read it faithfully and I'm so glad and blessed to know that. But remember, that this is just my opinion, my perspective. I don't want you to just believe or agree with something I say just because I say it. I don't want you to just agree or believe anyone else either. My goal in this entire process is just to make you think. To expand your box, to give you another perspective, to show you how I feel about something. To hopefully enable my circle of friends and my generation to be able to go broader, to be more understanding, to be wiser - through communication and discussion. I just want you to think.
So, go think about that.
At first, I was like, I didn't define it.. not really. Just my opinion. But then I realized that my opinion pretty much is my definition. After I understood that, I was like, okay, let's talk.
It went well and we are still friends.. but that's not really what this blog is about. His comment made me realize that people may pay more attention to this blog than simply reading it occasionally, or even weekly - that maybe, they might think that because I say something, it's truth, or.. you know?
Not to say that what I say may not be true, but that worried me a little. I want you all to understand something. This blog is simply my opinion and perspective on what I'm learning through my daily life experience. My goal is not to instruct you on how you should be. I'm not God, nor am I holding a gun to your head, forcing you to accept my ideas. All I really want this blog to be is an outlet for me, and for all of you, something to make you think. I just want you to think.
My teachers were gracious enough to teach me to think intelligently. To ask questions. To voice opinions. I'm asking you to do the same. With everything you come across - especially this blog. If you don't agree with something I say, or someone else says, that's fine! Same if you agree. Or have a different perspective or take on an idea.
When I read an article in the newspaper or online, I don't just read it from one paper. I search two or three different versions of the story from different sources. Some people miss facts, others twist quotes, or even spin the story into a direction it shouldn't have necessarily taken. Anyone is capable of doing it.
Your opinion and voice are important - but what's even MORE important is how you use them. Stand up. Look at Robespierre in the French revolution. Or a more recent example: British Columbians and the HST. 700,000+ against this tax.. you have power as an individual.
Also, when you're being exposed to information - whether through literature, a speech, the internet, the radio... whatever - check the sources. Talk about it with others. Look for opposite opinions on the same subject. Education is the key... learn as much as you can about something before you make a decision.
So really, what I'm trying to say is this. I hope you like my blog. I know that several read it faithfully and I'm so glad and blessed to know that. But remember, that this is just my opinion, my perspective. I don't want you to just believe or agree with something I say just because I say it. I don't want you to just agree or believe anyone else either. My goal in this entire process is just to make you think. To expand your box, to give you another perspective, to show you how I feel about something. To hopefully enable my circle of friends and my generation to be able to go broader, to be more understanding, to be wiser - through communication and discussion. I just want you to think.
So, go think about that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)