This is a thought that began awhile ago. Roughly one and one half months to be exact.
I was rollerblading downtown with my sister and one of our friends. Myself and said friend bladed up this ramp onto a small stage they have set up for local weekly concerts as part of our downtown cultural theme, a summer event called Parks Alive. Anyways, it was earlier in the day and the thing was empty so we went up on it. My friend continued right across and jumped off, over the stairs (they encircle the front and sides of the stage, kind of set up like the base of a pyramid). I was too chicken and slowed down, then walked down the three steps.
When I caught up to him again, I was like, "I could never do that." "Do what?" "Jump the stairs like you just did." "Oh. You can't let fear stop you." He looked back at me. "No fear." It stuck in my brain. I couldn't get it out for days. So I thought about it.
Now, sidetrack with me for a minute. I have eyesight issues. I own glasses, and have since grade 5. My mother purchased contacts for me about three years ago, but for whatever reason, I was absolutely terrified of them/the thought of sticking something into my eyeball. I was so scared that for months whenever I attempted to put my contacts in, even if someone was helping me, I would hyperventilate, cry, and basically shrink into a quivering ball. I kept trying every few months, and the first time I successfully put my own contacts in by myself it took me almost an hour - and longer to get them out. But I did it, and that was good enough for me.
Back to rollerblading story. As mentioned, I thought and thought about what my friend had said. No fear. I put the pedal to the metal and got serious. He was right. A few days later, I dug out my contacts again. This time, I put all my former practice into play, but I added that new thing - no fear. It took me ten minutes. I was elated. I wore my contacts like three times that week.
A couple weeks, maybe a month later, same friend and I go for a hike up to one of my favorite viewing spots in town. I wore the contacts. At some point, I told him, ``You`re the reason I`m wearing contacts today.`` He was confused. I explained. ``When we went rollerblading that time, you told me to have no fear. I was afraid of my contacts. I chose to do it anyway, and I`m wearing them today because you inspired me to conquer my fear.`` He then said something even wiser. ``Yep, fear`ll kill ya.``
It`s true.
Backtrack to Thanksgiving weekend three years ago (Canadian Thanksgiving, that is XD). I`m rollerblading with another friend from my class, grade 11 that year. He lived by a baseball park then, and I had often rollerbladed by his house. I would go past the park, and then there were two options: go straight and head up a decently sized hill, or turn right and go behind the park. I had always taken the same route around - up or down the hill, to or from the same road, every time. But this time I`m with my buddy. He`s got a cold, and he`s not done too many hills on his blades. So he suggests we turn right. Here`s the clincher.
I literally stopped. Without thinking or questioning why. I was full of confusion and fear of where the other road might go. Remember, I`d never gone down it. Remember also, my friend lived in the neighbourhood and knew the area. I should`ve and could`ve trusted him easily and just gone with him. But instead, I stopped. I remember being super disoriented and uncomfortable with the idea of taking a different road, and I remember saying out loud, ``But I`ve never been down there before.``
Thankfully, I have very understanding and loving friends. He didn`t call me stupid, laugh at me, or do anything else one might expect. He simply said, `Well, let`s try something new today. It`ll be okay, I know where I`m going .`` So I followed him, like a child, and guess what - I`m still alive today, nothing catastrophic happened. My fears were groundless.
I have a super hard time with change, and although it`s been improving over the last few years, I still have to put in quite a bit of effort sometimes to accommodate something new or unexpected in my life. That is a huge part of why I was afraid of my contacts... but when my buddy said, `Fear`ll kill ya,`` that scene of the two roads flashed through my head. I knew he was right.
I`ve had to make choices to not panic. I`ve made, and still am making choices every day. But ever since that walk, I`ve made the choice to not let fear control my life. It`s changed me. Now, I wear my contacts nearly every day. I can put them in and take them out in less than five minutes. And because I forced myself to overcome my fear, every time I look in the mirror and see myself without glasses, I`m reminded that I can choose. Fear will not control me. I have beautiful eyes, and every time I look in the mirror I see them, without those glasses, unobstructed. And every time, I feel beautiful - something I didn`t feel too often before. Because I chose to overcome. Because my friend taught me something I didn`t realize before. Because fear will kill you.
What are you afraid of? Is fear stopping you from living a full life - from taking opportunities, from trying new things, or improving your surroundings - or maybe even yourself? I don`t think my buddy knew what would result from a seemingly regular comment, but he changed my life that day. I challenge you to pick something you`re afraid of, right now, and conquer it. Look it in the face, hold your breath, jump off the cliff, and break the barrier. Whatever it takes, because fear will only hold you back. Maybe you can even inspire someone else, like my friend did for me. How can you encourage and help someone you know to overcome their fears and live a better life?
Fear may kill, but we`re not dead yet. Fight back. You`re worth it. I know you can do it. You are stronger than fear. Fight it with everything you have, and help change the world with your stories of conquest.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
A Screen Door - Filtered Content
They say the eyes are the window to the soul. We as a species communicate in varied forms - spoken utterances (languages and sounds), body movements, written words - but nothing communicates so clearly and perhaps even effectively as your eyes. Only the very best liars can conceal or create emotions within the eye.
Have you ever thought about how hard it can be to achieve direct visual contact? Especially when asking a tough or risky question; even worse is when you are asked a tough or risky question. We all know when our eyes will betray us to the person we're speaking to.
Eye contact is powerful. Experts tell us that when we meet a new animal (dogs, in particular, are known for this), we are not to look into its eyes because it is a form of challenge. We've all tried that contest in which you stare at another person's eyes for as long as you can without blinking. It's hard to do. If you last at all, you inevitably begin to scutinize the other person's eyes and expression and wonder what they're thinking. Authors don't describe characters' eyes for nothing. ("Her eyes were bright and merry." "His eyes were cold as steel.")
Eye contact with another person is also a trusting gesture. Because we know we are vulnerable through them, to look another person in the eye is to make them understand exactly how we are feeling. Think about it. You would look at your crush much differently than the person you are currently angry with - those around you will notice, too.
Because we can't escape from betraying our emotions visually, we often choose to bypass eye contact with others, instead looking at the person's forehead, their nose, or even our surroundings. When we do this, we miss an opportunity to build a bond - a bond that goes deeper than words could ever allow. Regardless of who you're with or why you're with them, looking them in the eye shows you respect them as a person, and that you respect yourself - you're risking them understanding you, but you're brave enough to allow it instead of shirking their gaze and hiding behind a little wall with no eye contact. When you trust yourself to trust the other individual, and connect with his or her eyes, a mutual understanding takes place. They may not know exactly why you're feeling how you do, but if they're paying any attention and they know your personality at all, they'll definitely know what your emotions are.
The band Kutless said it well:
I see the hurt within your eyes
I know your pain is for a reason
You need to feel just to know that you’re alive
- Kutless, "To Know That You're Alive"
To feel is to validate who you are - it makes you human. Humans need contact, support, and love from other humans. That's why it's important to make eye contact in your relationships. They know you're listening, or vice versa. Sometimes, there are things that just can't or won't be spoken, but can be communicated through one's gaze a thousand times more efficiently. Another band I listen to called Skillet demonstrates the necessity of eye contact in their song The Last Night. Written about a girl running from her parents (potentially to suicide - she's already a cutter), it tells how she ends up at a close friend's and he promises she'll never be alone again, that he'll be the support she needs to heal.
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be
The last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I'm everything you need me to be
- Skillet, "The Last Night"
The friend forces her to look into his eyes and see that he isn't joking - to look into his eyes and be vulnerable, but to find the strength she so desperately needs.
When I'm walking in the mall, or on a street, or anywhere for that matter, I make a point of connecting with people's eyes and then smiling at them - I don't know them, but they know that for that one or two seconds, someone saw them and cared. I'd say at least 7 times out of 10 the person returns the eye contact - and the smile. Sometimes, though, I find a pair of eyes that have lost their purpose, eyes that are distant and detached from life. These are the people that I feel drawn to - people who need someone to lean on, to look them in the eye and tell them that they are valuable, they do have purpose, that it's okay to feel lost but that with another person to lean on, they can work through it...
I know you, who are you now?
Look into my eyes if you can’t remember
Do you remember?
- RED, "Never Be The Same"
This week's thought is at the same time simple and complex: What do your eyes say about you? Do you have someone you can talk to, who knows you so well that you wouldn't even have to say anything, but could just look? Are you that person to someone?
Look around you. Allow yourself to feel what others feel, to see what they see. Make direct contact, and show others that they are valued by your undivided attention - even if only for a moment.
Have you ever thought about how hard it can be to achieve direct visual contact? Especially when asking a tough or risky question; even worse is when you are asked a tough or risky question. We all know when our eyes will betray us to the person we're speaking to.
Eye contact is powerful. Experts tell us that when we meet a new animal (dogs, in particular, are known for this), we are not to look into its eyes because it is a form of challenge. We've all tried that contest in which you stare at another person's eyes for as long as you can without blinking. It's hard to do. If you last at all, you inevitably begin to scutinize the other person's eyes and expression and wonder what they're thinking. Authors don't describe characters' eyes for nothing. ("Her eyes were bright and merry." "His eyes were cold as steel.")
Eye contact with another person is also a trusting gesture. Because we know we are vulnerable through them, to look another person in the eye is to make them understand exactly how we are feeling. Think about it. You would look at your crush much differently than the person you are currently angry with - those around you will notice, too.
Because we can't escape from betraying our emotions visually, we often choose to bypass eye contact with others, instead looking at the person's forehead, their nose, or even our surroundings. When we do this, we miss an opportunity to build a bond - a bond that goes deeper than words could ever allow. Regardless of who you're with or why you're with them, looking them in the eye shows you respect them as a person, and that you respect yourself - you're risking them understanding you, but you're brave enough to allow it instead of shirking their gaze and hiding behind a little wall with no eye contact. When you trust yourself to trust the other individual, and connect with his or her eyes, a mutual understanding takes place. They may not know exactly why you're feeling how you do, but if they're paying any attention and they know your personality at all, they'll definitely know what your emotions are.
The band Kutless said it well:
I see the hurt within your eyes
I know your pain is for a reason
You need to feel just to know that you’re alive
- Kutless, "To Know That You're Alive"
To feel is to validate who you are - it makes you human. Humans need contact, support, and love from other humans. That's why it's important to make eye contact in your relationships. They know you're listening, or vice versa. Sometimes, there are things that just can't or won't be spoken, but can be communicated through one's gaze a thousand times more efficiently. Another band I listen to called Skillet demonstrates the necessity of eye contact in their song The Last Night. Written about a girl running from her parents (potentially to suicide - she's already a cutter), it tells how she ends up at a close friend's and he promises she'll never be alone again, that he'll be the support she needs to heal.
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be
The last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I'm everything you need me to be
- Skillet, "The Last Night"
The friend forces her to look into his eyes and see that he isn't joking - to look into his eyes and be vulnerable, but to find the strength she so desperately needs.
When I'm walking in the mall, or on a street, or anywhere for that matter, I make a point of connecting with people's eyes and then smiling at them - I don't know them, but they know that for that one or two seconds, someone saw them and cared. I'd say at least 7 times out of 10 the person returns the eye contact - and the smile. Sometimes, though, I find a pair of eyes that have lost their purpose, eyes that are distant and detached from life. These are the people that I feel drawn to - people who need someone to lean on, to look them in the eye and tell them that they are valuable, they do have purpose, that it's okay to feel lost but that with another person to lean on, they can work through it...
I know you, who are you now?
Look into my eyes if you can’t remember
Do you remember?
- RED, "Never Be The Same"
This week's thought is at the same time simple and complex: What do your eyes say about you? Do you have someone you can talk to, who knows you so well that you wouldn't even have to say anything, but could just look? Are you that person to someone?
Look around you. Allow yourself to feel what others feel, to see what they see. Make direct contact, and show others that they are valued by your undivided attention - even if only for a moment.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Who's That Lovely Lady In The Mirror?
Image. What the heck? When did society decide that to fit in, you had to dress and act within very certain parameters?
Not that I'm against looking good. But today, appearance has gone from being about one's personal style and means to becoming a world-wide, never-ending court case - it gets judged constantly, and most of us often come up short according to current standards.
See, there's a line in there somewhere that someone buried a long time ago, and everyone's forgotten about. Its name is individuality. Nobody ever sees it, and few remember it even exists now... it's been under the sands of time for so very long.
I would suppose it came from the days when people couldn't afford proper clothing and hygiene. Many still can't in today's world, and they are looked down on more than they ever were in history - escpecially in North America. Fashion evolves... it never just happened. Once upon a time, we were dressed in much the same thing as everyone else and nobody cared. Then, one day, someone made something a little more beautiful than the same thing everyone else owned - and bang! Jealousy was born as fashion emerged - the very first items in the "Have to Have" section of this year's Sears catalogue.
I do agree that it's important to take care of yourself hygenically. I haven't always in the past, but as I've grown into an adult it's become much more important to me. People who invest time in keeping themselves tidy smell better, look better, and have confidence in themselves... it's hard to feel pride in something that's dirty and smelly and sweaty all the time.
However, there's more to a person than the way they look. Society has grabbed hold of that aspect of a person too... with the invention of 'cliques'. You know what I'm talking about. Every high school has the nerds, the jocks, the cheerleaders - you name it. They all dress the same, act the same, hang out with the same people. Heaven forbid that there are loners, or people who don't fit in with some group - rejection slams the doors in their faces.
WHY?
It is my strong belief that every individual has value. Let me tell you a story I once read. (Note: It was many years ago, so the details may be a little on the sketchy side - but the point's still there!)
Once, there was a very joyous lady whom everyone respected and loved. She was kind to every soul and had great wisdom. People wanted to understand the secret of her joy so they too could experience what she experienced on a daily basis. She told them of a dream she'd had when she was a small girl.
"I was running in a field, and I was very upset. Suddenly, I tripped and fell to the ground. When I looked up, there was a tiny fairy sitting on a flower in front of me. She asked why I was crying, so I explained. What she then told me has changed my life forever."
The day inevitably came when the old lady was on her deathbed. Friends and family begged her to share the secret of what the little fairy had said, afraid that they would never get the joy they so craved if she died without telling. Finally, right before she passed away, she whispered the fairy's last words.
"She told me that everyone in the world, whether rich or poor, big or small - everyone had need of me."
That story changed my life. I read it for the first time probably ten years ago, and it reshaped the way I think about people, and about myself. I understood the point, and it taught me a very valuable lesson in my opinion - everyone is valuable. Not only that, but every single person in this world has something to share that NO ONE ELSE ON THE PLANET, past, present or future, will be able to give people. Every individual has their own perspectives and experience, and you need everyone to make this world reach its potential.
I chose a long time ago that I didn't care if I fit with the 'in' crowd. I live my life to my own beat, and if people don't like me that way that I come, well, hey - there's six billion other people to make friends with. Just kidding. But in all honesty, I'm not willing to compromise who I am to become what someone else wants me to be. I can honestly say that I don't know of a single person who dislikes me. I'm not trying to brag, but I have never had an enemy or even a serious fight with a friend or schoolmate. At the same time, I've never been considered popular. I'm just sincere, and people seem to gravitate toward that.
As a good example of something personal, I don't wear makeup too often. If I do, it's very natural. I always feel like I'm hiding behind a mask when I put the stuff on - like people won't see the real me - they'll only see the me I've created for them to see. I don't like that idea. I don't wear it.
People have told me hundreds of times in the past few years that they admire me for my courage to step out from under the umbrella of popularity. One of my best friends wrote everyone a letter as part of a gift from himself to the class when we graduated. I want to share part of mine with you here.
Dear: Ashleigh
... I want to say that you've been a great friend all through school and you're not only extremely thoughtful but you're also extremely brave. You've never been afraid to pray in class (yes, I'm a Christian), to stand in the front of worship, or to speak your mind. I admire that about you, and I hope you don't lose those characteristics. ...
...I just want to say that ever since I've been here you've been extremely friendly. You're easy to talk to and I'm glad I've gotten to know you. ...
- Anthony
I guess what I'm trying to say here is people crave relationships with real people - but today's society seems to force us into being something we're not. I want to encourage you today to think differently about yourself and those around you. What do you do to fit in - and is it really a part of 'you'? Don't ever compromise your giftings, talents and passions for things in life to have friends. As my science teacher, a man of great wisdom, used to say about our homework assignments: "If you have a question, don't be afraid to ask it. Chances are likely that more than one person in the room has the same question, and if you don't ask, the only one you're hurting is yourself." The same principle can be applied to one's self image. Don't bend to fit in, because when you do that, you're depriving the world of a lovely person that will only come out when you're being who you really want to be - yourself.
My sister was watching a new TV show on MTV this week, called "If You Really Knew Me." It was about taking a highschool class and teaching them to value others for who they are, and building better relationships based on real facts about the person rather than the persona they had created to fit in. One activity featured groups of students from different cliques sitting in a circle and sharing formerly private details about themselves that would have made them look weak or different according to their friends. It floored me, and at the same time, I wasn't surprised at all. One boy in particular shared how the kids at school called him "Fat" - and how much it had hurt him; but he never stood up for himself because that's just what the kids at school called him, that was part of the mask he put on every day in exchange for popularity.
My question for you this week is this. If I were to ask you to end the sentence, "If you REALLY knew me..." what would you say? Is there something vital to who you are that's been shoved in the closet because there's no room for it in your clique? Remember. It's absolutely necessary that you know who you are and that you are comfortable with that person - if there's something bothering you about your image, you have the power to change it for the better. Let people know who the real you is... and if they ditch you, they only liked your mask anyway. But masks are only for plays. Life isn't a play. It's real. You should be, too.
Not that I'm against looking good. But today, appearance has gone from being about one's personal style and means to becoming a world-wide, never-ending court case - it gets judged constantly, and most of us often come up short according to current standards.
See, there's a line in there somewhere that someone buried a long time ago, and everyone's forgotten about. Its name is individuality. Nobody ever sees it, and few remember it even exists now... it's been under the sands of time for so very long.
I would suppose it came from the days when people couldn't afford proper clothing and hygiene. Many still can't in today's world, and they are looked down on more than they ever were in history - escpecially in North America. Fashion evolves... it never just happened. Once upon a time, we were dressed in much the same thing as everyone else and nobody cared. Then, one day, someone made something a little more beautiful than the same thing everyone else owned - and bang! Jealousy was born as fashion emerged - the very first items in the "Have to Have" section of this year's Sears catalogue.
I do agree that it's important to take care of yourself hygenically. I haven't always in the past, but as I've grown into an adult it's become much more important to me. People who invest time in keeping themselves tidy smell better, look better, and have confidence in themselves... it's hard to feel pride in something that's dirty and smelly and sweaty all the time.
However, there's more to a person than the way they look. Society has grabbed hold of that aspect of a person too... with the invention of 'cliques'. You know what I'm talking about. Every high school has the nerds, the jocks, the cheerleaders - you name it. They all dress the same, act the same, hang out with the same people. Heaven forbid that there are loners, or people who don't fit in with some group - rejection slams the doors in their faces.
WHY?
It is my strong belief that every individual has value. Let me tell you a story I once read. (Note: It was many years ago, so the details may be a little on the sketchy side - but the point's still there!)
Once, there was a very joyous lady whom everyone respected and loved. She was kind to every soul and had great wisdom. People wanted to understand the secret of her joy so they too could experience what she experienced on a daily basis. She told them of a dream she'd had when she was a small girl.
"I was running in a field, and I was very upset. Suddenly, I tripped and fell to the ground. When I looked up, there was a tiny fairy sitting on a flower in front of me. She asked why I was crying, so I explained. What she then told me has changed my life forever."
The day inevitably came when the old lady was on her deathbed. Friends and family begged her to share the secret of what the little fairy had said, afraid that they would never get the joy they so craved if she died without telling. Finally, right before she passed away, she whispered the fairy's last words.
"She told me that everyone in the world, whether rich or poor, big or small - everyone had need of me."
That story changed my life. I read it for the first time probably ten years ago, and it reshaped the way I think about people, and about myself. I understood the point, and it taught me a very valuable lesson in my opinion - everyone is valuable. Not only that, but every single person in this world has something to share that NO ONE ELSE ON THE PLANET, past, present or future, will be able to give people. Every individual has their own perspectives and experience, and you need everyone to make this world reach its potential.
I chose a long time ago that I didn't care if I fit with the 'in' crowd. I live my life to my own beat, and if people don't like me that way that I come, well, hey - there's six billion other people to make friends with. Just kidding. But in all honesty, I'm not willing to compromise who I am to become what someone else wants me to be. I can honestly say that I don't know of a single person who dislikes me. I'm not trying to brag, but I have never had an enemy or even a serious fight with a friend or schoolmate. At the same time, I've never been considered popular. I'm just sincere, and people seem to gravitate toward that.
As a good example of something personal, I don't wear makeup too often. If I do, it's very natural. I always feel like I'm hiding behind a mask when I put the stuff on - like people won't see the real me - they'll only see the me I've created for them to see. I don't like that idea. I don't wear it.
People have told me hundreds of times in the past few years that they admire me for my courage to step out from under the umbrella of popularity. One of my best friends wrote everyone a letter as part of a gift from himself to the class when we graduated. I want to share part of mine with you here.
Dear: Ashleigh
... I want to say that you've been a great friend all through school and you're not only extremely thoughtful but you're also extremely brave. You've never been afraid to pray in class (yes, I'm a Christian), to stand in the front of worship, or to speak your mind. I admire that about you, and I hope you don't lose those characteristics. ...
...I just want to say that ever since I've been here you've been extremely friendly. You're easy to talk to and I'm glad I've gotten to know you. ...
- Anthony
I guess what I'm trying to say here is people crave relationships with real people - but today's society seems to force us into being something we're not. I want to encourage you today to think differently about yourself and those around you. What do you do to fit in - and is it really a part of 'you'? Don't ever compromise your giftings, talents and passions for things in life to have friends. As my science teacher, a man of great wisdom, used to say about our homework assignments: "If you have a question, don't be afraid to ask it. Chances are likely that more than one person in the room has the same question, and if you don't ask, the only one you're hurting is yourself." The same principle can be applied to one's self image. Don't bend to fit in, because when you do that, you're depriving the world of a lovely person that will only come out when you're being who you really want to be - yourself.
My sister was watching a new TV show on MTV this week, called "If You Really Knew Me." It was about taking a highschool class and teaching them to value others for who they are, and building better relationships based on real facts about the person rather than the persona they had created to fit in. One activity featured groups of students from different cliques sitting in a circle and sharing formerly private details about themselves that would have made them look weak or different according to their friends. It floored me, and at the same time, I wasn't surprised at all. One boy in particular shared how the kids at school called him "Fat" - and how much it had hurt him; but he never stood up for himself because that's just what the kids at school called him, that was part of the mask he put on every day in exchange for popularity.
My question for you this week is this. If I were to ask you to end the sentence, "If you REALLY knew me..." what would you say? Is there something vital to who you are that's been shoved in the closet because there's no room for it in your clique? Remember. It's absolutely necessary that you know who you are and that you are comfortable with that person - if there's something bothering you about your image, you have the power to change it for the better. Let people know who the real you is... and if they ditch you, they only liked your mask anyway. But masks are only for plays. Life isn't a play. It's real. You should be, too.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
What Is It About The Movies?
I was supposed to go see Inception tonight with a buddy, but he ended up not feeling well. So whatevs, these things happen... I decided I'd go to another movie, later, and on my own. I went to see Charlie St. Cloud.
I don't know if I'd say it was a mistake to see that movie, or if the mistake was seeing it alone, (or perhaps it was better that I was alone)... but man, what an emotional rollercoaster.
It didn't quite make me cry.. but it was close; it wasn't emotional in that sense, but for me, at least, I was finding I really connected easily to Zac Efron's character, and I've never been in that situation. That, at least, proves that he can act.
No, the emotion didn't totally come from the movie line. It was Zac. I know everyone's heard this and there's tons of debates on it, but in this movie I found him very attractive... the whole brooding personality bit as much as the body.
I found the same thing for Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner in Eclipse, which I saw just over a week and a bit ago. Everything that is supposed to make them sexy and appealing succeeds.
So I inevitably started thinking. Why am I attracted to these guys? Is it media hype, fantasy, blah blah blah? See, the thing is, they're famous. I'm not. I'll never get a chance with them and I'm not sure I'd like to, given the crazy lifestyle of a superstar. But I have fallen victim, along with millions of other people, to the star charm.
After quite some time and a LOT of reflection, I found out something about myself. Sure, those guys are all very suave and I'm sure they're great.. but it wasn't exactly 'them' I was attracted to..
Let me explain something. There's a book out called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. In this book, he presents the idea that there are five basic 'languages' that we share love through. They are:
1) Words of Affirmation
2) Quality Time
3) Receiving Gifts
4) Acts of Service
5) Physical Touch
I am a touch person. Having physical contact - be it a hug, hand on the shoulder, anything - makes me feel more secure and loved - less like my world is falling apart. When I'm afraid, the first thing I want to do is grab someone's hand and hold on for all I'm worth. Someone puts their arm around my shoulder, I feel protected, safe... you get the idea.
So, back to the movies. *SPOILER ALERT - if you haven't seen either yet, I'm not giving the plot away, but... just a warning* After much deliberation on the subject with myself, I realized it wasn't so much the guys themselves.. it was the scenes in Eclipse where Bella is snuggling with Edward on the bed, or being carried by Jacob. In St. Cloud, it was Charlie's arm around his younger brother's shoulders, holding his hand while in the ambulance, hugging Tess's near lifeless body on the rocky shore. It wasn't even the kissing in either show.
This attraction to the idea of physical contact makes life hard. Because, you see, I am not ready for marriage. The very idea seems foreign. There is so much I want to do before then... but, at the same time, the idea of a relationship is slowly gaining favor in my head. But I've been realizing that right now, all I want, or would want out of a relationship, is someone to hug, to sit on the couch with and lean into. Problem. Relationships require more than that.
I don't want any of the other parts yet - maybe in a couple of years. This tells me that I'm not ready to be in one. As much as I would find emotional satisfaction in the physical touch of a guy (no, not sex. No sex before marriage - cardinal rule).. if that's all I'm desiring then there's no reason to look for one, because no relationship lasts on physical touch alone.
I know soooooo many girls who get into relationships just for one thing, be it status, sex, money, a car, a house.. you name it. Obviously, that isn't going to last. But even love, which is said to overlook most faults, can't get you everything. Relationships take maturity, and they take work. When I know that I'm not interested in working on something permanent, aka marriage, I know that looking for a guy isn't gonna happen. I have friends, both sexes, that I can hug and joke around with.. but that'll be it, for now.
So, the question. What tells you when you're ready to enter a relationship? Have you considered where your motives are coming from? What does that tell you about yourself?
I don't know if I'd say it was a mistake to see that movie, or if the mistake was seeing it alone, (or perhaps it was better that I was alone)... but man, what an emotional rollercoaster.
It didn't quite make me cry.. but it was close; it wasn't emotional in that sense, but for me, at least, I was finding I really connected easily to Zac Efron's character, and I've never been in that situation. That, at least, proves that he can act.
No, the emotion didn't totally come from the movie line. It was Zac. I know everyone's heard this and there's tons of debates on it, but in this movie I found him very attractive... the whole brooding personality bit as much as the body.
I found the same thing for Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner in Eclipse, which I saw just over a week and a bit ago. Everything that is supposed to make them sexy and appealing succeeds.
So I inevitably started thinking. Why am I attracted to these guys? Is it media hype, fantasy, blah blah blah? See, the thing is, they're famous. I'm not. I'll never get a chance with them and I'm not sure I'd like to, given the crazy lifestyle of a superstar. But I have fallen victim, along with millions of other people, to the star charm.
After quite some time and a LOT of reflection, I found out something about myself. Sure, those guys are all very suave and I'm sure they're great.. but it wasn't exactly 'them' I was attracted to..
Let me explain something. There's a book out called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. In this book, he presents the idea that there are five basic 'languages' that we share love through. They are:
1) Words of Affirmation
2) Quality Time
3) Receiving Gifts
4) Acts of Service
5) Physical Touch
I am a touch person. Having physical contact - be it a hug, hand on the shoulder, anything - makes me feel more secure and loved - less like my world is falling apart. When I'm afraid, the first thing I want to do is grab someone's hand and hold on for all I'm worth. Someone puts their arm around my shoulder, I feel protected, safe... you get the idea.
So, back to the movies. *SPOILER ALERT - if you haven't seen either yet, I'm not giving the plot away, but... just a warning* After much deliberation on the subject with myself, I realized it wasn't so much the guys themselves.. it was the scenes in Eclipse where Bella is snuggling with Edward on the bed, or being carried by Jacob. In St. Cloud, it was Charlie's arm around his younger brother's shoulders, holding his hand while in the ambulance, hugging Tess's near lifeless body on the rocky shore. It wasn't even the kissing in either show.
This attraction to the idea of physical contact makes life hard. Because, you see, I am not ready for marriage. The very idea seems foreign. There is so much I want to do before then... but, at the same time, the idea of a relationship is slowly gaining favor in my head. But I've been realizing that right now, all I want, or would want out of a relationship, is someone to hug, to sit on the couch with and lean into. Problem. Relationships require more than that.
I don't want any of the other parts yet - maybe in a couple of years. This tells me that I'm not ready to be in one. As much as I would find emotional satisfaction in the physical touch of a guy (no, not sex. No sex before marriage - cardinal rule).. if that's all I'm desiring then there's no reason to look for one, because no relationship lasts on physical touch alone.
I know soooooo many girls who get into relationships just for one thing, be it status, sex, money, a car, a house.. you name it. Obviously, that isn't going to last. But even love, which is said to overlook most faults, can't get you everything. Relationships take maturity, and they take work. When I know that I'm not interested in working on something permanent, aka marriage, I know that looking for a guy isn't gonna happen. I have friends, both sexes, that I can hug and joke around with.. but that'll be it, for now.
So, the question. What tells you when you're ready to enter a relationship? Have you considered where your motives are coming from? What does that tell you about yourself?
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