Love. In my opinion, the most emotionally, physically, mentally, and almost any other -ally loaded word in the dictionary. Also the most confusing.
What is love? I searched for some quotes and definitions, just to see how other people have defined it. Here are some of the best:
FROM KIDS
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." - Terri (age 4)
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." - Bobby (age 7)
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend you hate." - Nikka (age 7)
“Don’t say you love somebody and then change your mind — Love isn’t like picking what movie you want to watch.” - Natalie (age 9)
FROM ADULTS
"It is one of the most difficult questions for the mankind." - love-sessions.com
"Lust is about physical attraction and acting ONLY on physical attraction. Love is about much more than that." - teenadvice.com
"Real love demands sacrifice that can’t be found in self-centeredness. You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving." - AllAboutGod.com
"Love is ecstasy and torment, freedom and slavery." - time.com
FROM THE DICTIONARY
"Love is the emotion of strong affection and personal attachment." - Wikipedia
"A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person." - Dictionary.com
"Strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties." - Webster
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I would say those are all fairly accurate. Fairly. Accurate. They each have a piece of what it is to love. But there is so much more.
The Bible classifies love into three categories:
i) Eros - Erotic love. Strong feelings toward something or someone.
"I love hotdogs." "I love my new girlfriend."
ii) Philos - Love based on relationship.
"I love my best friend because she's always there for me." "I love my husband."
iii) Agape - unconditional
"I'll love my child forever, no matter what." "My spouse loves me unconditionally enough to
forgive me for lying."
Put together, those three simple words wrap the idea of love into one, if not easily comprehendable idea, at least into understandable layman's terms.
There really isn't a "middle" to this post. It's all background until now, and we're jumping ahead to the question.
How will you choose to love?
If you want to, love people like you would hotdogs or your favorite hockey team, and see how it works for you. I'm sure that everyone realizes that love stemmed from attraction can be valuable in starting a relationship, but that's all it will do. A stronger relationship requires going deeper.
The difference between philio love and agape love, to me, is this: forgiveness. And plenty of it. You may appreciate your best friend more than any other person in the entire world, but I know plenty of people who have one or two good scraps with said best friend, and never talk again. It's like those scratch lotto tickets: Sorry, you're out of luck with this friend.. better try and get lucky on the next one.
No. Mankind is just that - mankind. We all make mistakes. We learn differently. We grow up with different values. We were made equally and deserve to be treated as such.
Loving unconditionally does not mean that you let people walk all over you. It does not mean that you have to even like everyone you meet, necessarily. It means that you will treat each person that crosses your path as a person, even if you don't agree on everything.
Two fairly recent examples in my life:
First one, we'll call the fellow Edward. I hung out with Edward and a few other guys quite often over the summer a couple of years ago, and we continued to hang out through the winter, etc. They all swore, and eventually I began to as well. I decided I didn't like that, and I was going to change it. The guys all promised they would make an effort to swear less around me, Edward included; but he had a hard time of it, partially because of his work environment where it was part and parcel of the day. So Edward and I had a talk. I told him plainly that I enjoyed his company and I valued his friendship, but I didn't like his habit of swearing so consistantly. I told him that if he continued, he would be seeing me less, as I didn't want to take part in that anymore nor hang around people who did. It took awhile and a great deal of effort, but I'm proud to say that Edward changed, as I changed.
Example two. Another friend of mine moved out after he got a job. Peter started smoking and drinking heavily. I didn't want that in my life. I told Peter that if he and I were to continue spending time together, he would have to be sober and smoke sparingly. Unfortunately, Peter became addicted to his habits. Communication between us slowed, and eventually stopped for a considerable amount of time. Just a few months ago, Peter started to clean himself up a little. My "rules" still stand. I don't see Peter very often, but we are talking again.
Unconditional love. It means you set boundaries, but boundaries don't mean permanent seclusion. It means that even if someone you love makes the wrong choices or proceeds down a path you don't agree with, you're still waiting on the other side of the line if they want to come back. And it means forgiving, sometimes more than once.
Love is complicated. We are complicated. Together, it just makes a huge mess. But it's not so bad of a mess that nothing can be done. We ought to put effort into untangling life's little knots. We ought to remember and follow that golden rule "Treat others as you would be treated."
So I ask you again..
How will you choose to love?
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Airbags - Life Following Impact
Earlier today I was filling out an online interview for an au pair website. The questions were fairly basic and required basic responses - "What would you specifically look for in a job?" "Why did you leave your last job?" "What kind of childcare experience do you have?" "What do you like to do?"
That is, until the last question. Enter the paradigm of intelligent thought. The question was, "What do you most want to get out of life?"
Big question.
My answer?
"I want adventure. I want experience. I want love, family, relationships, friends. I want wisdom. I want truth. I want influence. I want trust. I want to be one of those crazy old people who have been everywhere and done everything. I want to be someone worthy of being looked up to."
Big questions naturally require big answers.
Many years ago I read nearly the same question somewhere else. "What do you want to be remembered for?"
Some people want to be known for their money. Some for their music. Some for their teaching. Some for their athletic ability. Music. Art. Writing. Entertainment iconic status. Architecture. You name it.
We all want to be remembered for something, by somebody. My favorite book is Anne of Green Gables. Anne Shirley, the primary character, is slightly obsessed with epitaphs on gravestones - reading them and rewriting them if she's not satisfied. We don't do very many of those nowadays. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder - what would people write on my gravestone?
Even if I left the area and moved away, and didn't die - what would people remember about me? What do I WANT them to remember about me? I've been asking myself this question for over half my life, ever since whatever I was reading asked me that question. This is what I've decided.
I want to be remembered, mostly, as someone who could be trusted with anything, whether it was just the car keys, down to the truth about why you split from that guy or girl. I want to be remembered as someone anyone could talk to, someone who listened, someone who understood. An encourager. A person who was confident in myself, who didn't follow the crowd, who made my own choices. Someone who thought things out, who asked intelligent questions and received intelligent answers. I want people to go through the yearbooks, the phonebooks, the obituaries, find my name, and say, "Oh, hey, there's Ashleigh. I remember her. She was a good friend, and I always knew she'd be there for me. She was someone I respected, someone who knew who she was and was happy with that person."
I don't know if that'll be the way things will happen, but that's what I'm working towards. I've been learning as much as I can about how to be such a person, and something I've learned is that to get or be something, you have to give or do something.
In other words, to get money, you have to spend money. If you want to have friends, you have to be a friend. What comes around goes around, and you get what you give. So, for me, if I want to be known as someone who is trustworthy and understanding, I have to make an effort to prove to people that I can be trusted, that I know how to listen. Everything starts small. Someone tells me something, I don't repeat it. I practice that thing called active listening - eye contact (which I'm not always great at but that's why it's called practicing), no distractions, open posture, repetition and confirmation of what's been said.
I've been practicing for a long time, but I can tell you that nothing about a relationship between two people ever gets easier. The dynamics of the relationship may change, but the amount of effort required does not. Everything takes work.
So, how much work are you willing to put in? You may have thought about how and why you want to remembered. Sadly, many have not. Whether you have before or not, I want you to do it now. How will people remember you? If the image you're getting isn't the one you want, you have the power to change it. Start building your character today. Steer it in the direction you want it to.
Maybe, someday, you'll have an epitaph somewhere. You will definitely have an obituary. Grow your character in such a way that when people are walking through the graveyard, or reading the newspaper, they stop and say, "Wow. I wish I had known this person. The people who they had relationships must have been very lucky." Then God will smile in heaven and whisper, "You're right. They were."
That is, until the last question. Enter the paradigm of intelligent thought. The question was, "What do you most want to get out of life?"
Big question.
My answer?
"I want adventure. I want experience. I want love, family, relationships, friends. I want wisdom. I want truth. I want influence. I want trust. I want to be one of those crazy old people who have been everywhere and done everything. I want to be someone worthy of being looked up to."
Big questions naturally require big answers.
Many years ago I read nearly the same question somewhere else. "What do you want to be remembered for?"
Some people want to be known for their money. Some for their music. Some for their teaching. Some for their athletic ability. Music. Art. Writing. Entertainment iconic status. Architecture. You name it.
We all want to be remembered for something, by somebody. My favorite book is Anne of Green Gables. Anne Shirley, the primary character, is slightly obsessed with epitaphs on gravestones - reading them and rewriting them if she's not satisfied. We don't do very many of those nowadays. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder - what would people write on my gravestone?
Even if I left the area and moved away, and didn't die - what would people remember about me? What do I WANT them to remember about me? I've been asking myself this question for over half my life, ever since whatever I was reading asked me that question. This is what I've decided.
I want to be remembered, mostly, as someone who could be trusted with anything, whether it was just the car keys, down to the truth about why you split from that guy or girl. I want to be remembered as someone anyone could talk to, someone who listened, someone who understood. An encourager. A person who was confident in myself, who didn't follow the crowd, who made my own choices. Someone who thought things out, who asked intelligent questions and received intelligent answers. I want people to go through the yearbooks, the phonebooks, the obituaries, find my name, and say, "Oh, hey, there's Ashleigh. I remember her. She was a good friend, and I always knew she'd be there for me. She was someone I respected, someone who knew who she was and was happy with that person."
I don't know if that'll be the way things will happen, but that's what I'm working towards. I've been learning as much as I can about how to be such a person, and something I've learned is that to get or be something, you have to give or do something.
In other words, to get money, you have to spend money. If you want to have friends, you have to be a friend. What comes around goes around, and you get what you give. So, for me, if I want to be known as someone who is trustworthy and understanding, I have to make an effort to prove to people that I can be trusted, that I know how to listen. Everything starts small. Someone tells me something, I don't repeat it. I practice that thing called active listening - eye contact (which I'm not always great at but that's why it's called practicing), no distractions, open posture, repetition and confirmation of what's been said.
I've been practicing for a long time, but I can tell you that nothing about a relationship between two people ever gets easier. The dynamics of the relationship may change, but the amount of effort required does not. Everything takes work.
So, how much work are you willing to put in? You may have thought about how and why you want to remembered. Sadly, many have not. Whether you have before or not, I want you to do it now. How will people remember you? If the image you're getting isn't the one you want, you have the power to change it. Start building your character today. Steer it in the direction you want it to.
Maybe, someday, you'll have an epitaph somewhere. You will definitely have an obituary. Grow your character in such a way that when people are walking through the graveyard, or reading the newspaper, they stop and say, "Wow. I wish I had known this person. The people who they had relationships must have been very lucky." Then God will smile in heaven and whisper, "You're right. They were."
Sunday, September 12, 2010
My Life Is Not Ending
Every year for the past nine, I've aided my dear mother in cooking for a highschool three day camp out at a local Bible camp. We prepare meals and snacks for between 100-150 people, including students, teachers, band members, whoever shows. Because the school goes every year, alumni often show up to visit old friends and teachers (I am an alumni as well, for two years).
So this past Wednesday I'm up at the camp, cooking away, and as usual, some alumni show up, my friend Julian* in particular. Julian had been at university at the other end of Canada, in the east, for the past year. I hadn't seen him much in the summer, but I missed him quite a bit recently. So I'm talking to him, and he says he's leaving the following day. What I understood was that he was flying to Asia, the next day, for up to five years, the reason being school.
Now, I had been on my feet helping prep food all day - about 15 or 16 hours - on only five hours' sleep. I was already exhausted. This news just broke me.. especially since I was just finding out the day before he left. I ended up in tears.. which really confused him.
Thankfully, I was wrong, as he mindfully explained. He was leaving the next day, but to go back to university in the east. And he was going to Asia, but it was WITH school (not FOR it), and he'd only be gone three months. He promised he'd be back to visit in January. This was awesome for me and helped a lot, but by that point I was already emotional (yay tiredness!)
Less than an hour later I find out from another friend and volunteer that a guy I love and respect, and basically look up to as an elder brother - has a job interview in Vancouver on Friday (remember, this was Thursday night), and may be moving soon. Bang - tears come again.
THENNNN I was talking to my best friend, who happens to be in her second year of nursing school, and her husband's in his second year of a Bachelor of science, to become a doctor. She tells me that she and Andrew* will most likely be moving to a remote area in Africa for two years after he finishes his medical degree, because there's a program that if you do that and use your training to help underpriviledged people, all outstanding student loans will be forgiven. Bam. Tearjerker number three. (Remember that I was very overtired and emotional, and give me a break.)
So after most everyone had gone to bed and the teachers were doing a last walk to check for straggling students, I sat in the camp kitchen and had a good cry. All my friends were talking about university, moving, careers... and pretty much all of it involved moving away. I felt very left out (I have no desire to move away, and I'm not sure what I want to go to school for yet..).. and I also felt very alone - which caused to post as my status on Facebook:
"I think I might go back to a life without friends... it doesn't hurt as much then."
Obviously, I got some backlash from that from.. you guessed it.. my friends. Including a very sweet and understanding text message from a friend in Alberta, which read:
"Not too much, I just saw a rather depressing facebook status on your page and wanted to see what's up and if you needed help with anything?"
I didn't receive any of this until the next day, as I had posted pretty late. But as I took my very depressed self outside for a walk around the camp, I saw the school youth pastor, who I've known for nearly half my life. So I talked to him a bit, and told him how basically everyone was leaving but I love my hometown and don't want to go anywhere, ever.. but it looked like I wouldn't have anyone left. And he said, "You find new people."
Simple, just that. Find new people. At first, my reaction was that I have great friends, I didn't need or want anyone new. But I thought about it as I made my way back in to the kitchen, and I realized that all my life, I"ve been finding new people. Life doesn't end when friends leave. Especially with technology.. phone, internet, texting.. it's not like I can't ever talk to them again. Yes, it hurts when someone close to you moves away, even for a short amount of time (such as university).. but I'm realizing that it's not the end of the world. I've actually done this before, and sometimes I don't talk to that person as much, but we're still friends. And we always will be. My life isn't over, and as the pastor said, I will find new people. Because life is all about progress and change. We learn from the past in order to forge through the future.
“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.”
I'm learning that life has seasons. We don't have to let go of what we've learned and who we've loved, but we do have to let go of the past, because what was can no longer be. We've all changed, done things, been things, that we never have before, nor ever will be again. My life has not ended because of it. I've only grown stronger - and I've still got all my best friends by my side. I am not alone.
* Names have been changed.
So this past Wednesday I'm up at the camp, cooking away, and as usual, some alumni show up, my friend Julian* in particular. Julian had been at university at the other end of Canada, in the east, for the past year. I hadn't seen him much in the summer, but I missed him quite a bit recently. So I'm talking to him, and he says he's leaving the following day. What I understood was that he was flying to Asia, the next day, for up to five years, the reason being school.
Now, I had been on my feet helping prep food all day - about 15 or 16 hours - on only five hours' sleep. I was already exhausted. This news just broke me.. especially since I was just finding out the day before he left. I ended up in tears.. which really confused him.
Thankfully, I was wrong, as he mindfully explained. He was leaving the next day, but to go back to university in the east. And he was going to Asia, but it was WITH school (not FOR it), and he'd only be gone three months. He promised he'd be back to visit in January. This was awesome for me and helped a lot, but by that point I was already emotional (yay tiredness!)
Less than an hour later I find out from another friend and volunteer that a guy I love and respect, and basically look up to as an elder brother - has a job interview in Vancouver on Friday (remember, this was Thursday night), and may be moving soon. Bang - tears come again.
THENNNN I was talking to my best friend, who happens to be in her second year of nursing school, and her husband's in his second year of a Bachelor of science, to become a doctor. She tells me that she and Andrew* will most likely be moving to a remote area in Africa for two years after he finishes his medical degree, because there's a program that if you do that and use your training to help underpriviledged people, all outstanding student loans will be forgiven. Bam. Tearjerker number three. (Remember that I was very overtired and emotional, and give me a break.)
So after most everyone had gone to bed and the teachers were doing a last walk to check for straggling students, I sat in the camp kitchen and had a good cry. All my friends were talking about university, moving, careers... and pretty much all of it involved moving away. I felt very left out (I have no desire to move away, and I'm not sure what I want to go to school for yet..).. and I also felt very alone - which caused to post as my status on Facebook:
"I think I might go back to a life without friends... it doesn't hurt as much then."
Obviously, I got some backlash from that from.. you guessed it.. my friends. Including a very sweet and understanding text message from a friend in Alberta, which read:
"Not too much, I just saw a rather depressing facebook status on your page and wanted to see what's up and if you needed help with anything?"
I didn't receive any of this until the next day, as I had posted pretty late. But as I took my very depressed self outside for a walk around the camp, I saw the school youth pastor, who I've known for nearly half my life. So I talked to him a bit, and told him how basically everyone was leaving but I love my hometown and don't want to go anywhere, ever.. but it looked like I wouldn't have anyone left. And he said, "You find new people."
Simple, just that. Find new people. At first, my reaction was that I have great friends, I didn't need or want anyone new. But I thought about it as I made my way back in to the kitchen, and I realized that all my life, I"ve been finding new people. Life doesn't end when friends leave. Especially with technology.. phone, internet, texting.. it's not like I can't ever talk to them again. Yes, it hurts when someone close to you moves away, even for a short amount of time (such as university).. but I'm realizing that it's not the end of the world. I've actually done this before, and sometimes I don't talk to that person as much, but we're still friends. And we always will be. My life isn't over, and as the pastor said, I will find new people. Because life is all about progress and change. We learn from the past in order to forge through the future.
“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.”
I'm learning that life has seasons. We don't have to let go of what we've learned and who we've loved, but we do have to let go of the past, because what was can no longer be. We've all changed, done things, been things, that we never have before, nor ever will be again. My life has not ended because of it. I've only grown stronger - and I've still got all my best friends by my side. I am not alone.
* Names have been changed.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
And She Pretends That She's Immortal...
[Note: I'd just like to thank everyone for their patience last week. If you didn't know, I attended a very dear friend's wedding and was way too tired to post XD. Your understanding is appreciated.]
Anyways. Back on track. I am sitting here eating ice cream and pondering life, as I do every Saturday now (not the ice cream part ;) ). The thought I've been pondering this last week or so is this: media influence. Specifically, musical influence.
To put it simply, the music we listen to affects our mood. It can't be denied - we all have a song, or more than one, that we listen to as a pick-me-up. We all have songs we hate or that sadden us. But more and more so, I've been noticing things I hadn't before - and things I previously chose to ignore. (Yes, that was supposed to rhyme. I'm in kind of a random mood.)
But lately, as in the last two days, I personally have noticed an effect on my mood and attitude from two of the most popular songs out this summer: "Airplanes" (B.o.B ft. Hayley Williams), and "Love the Way You Lie" (Eminem ft. Rihanna).
Both are incredibly catchy. They're converting me to rap. And other things. Let me explain.
About five days ago, I was listening to Superchick and BarlowGirl. Relatively lighter (although not in material) they are upbeat and consistantly encouraging the listener to push past the boundaries of culture, to step out and show one's personality, to embrace and defeat the challenges we all face in life. It's good stuff, stuff I enjoy. Then, a couple days ago, I heard Airplanes on the radio. Love the song. Went home and found it on Youtube, and basically played it on repeat for half a day.
This song doesn't necessarily have any negative messages. It's about an artist reminiscing the days before he was famous, and before life was as complicated as it is now. I can understand that. I love my life and I'm pretty happy with where I am, but once in awhile everyone wishes they could go backward in time, to childhood, teens, whenever - to a time when nothing really mattered and we weren't required to be responsible adults, paying bills and meeting deadlines.
But for me, to bounce from happy, empowering songs to this... it made me feel very nostalgic. The second half of that day was spent listening to Thousand Foot Krutch, a band with a heavier sound than all the previous artists. They're a Christian group, but their songs are more about recognizing the pain than emerging through it.
Head to today. I looked up "Love the Way You Lie"... just felt like listening to it. I had recently listened to it with my mother and sister, and we were all singing along with Rihanna as everyone does... and after my mom's like, "That's a decent song." I was like, "It's actually not a very good song at all... did you hear what he was saying?"
The song, as most teens and young adults can tell you, is about an affair. The man is caught cheating on his lady, and she threatens to leave. In a moment of rage, he physically assaults her.
[I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength]
He swears that he loves her, that he'll never harm her. Apologies fly forth like rain, and things are better for awhile - although he admits to himself that he knows the apologies are all lies anyway:
[I apologize even though I know it's lies.]
The song culminates in a dire threat:
[I know I'm a liar, if she ever tries to f***in' leave again,
I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire.]
And hence the chorus with which we are all familiar:
[Just gonna stand there and watch me burn.
That's all right, because I like the way it hurts.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry.
That's all right, because I love the way you lie.]
I'm torn. On the one hand, I love this song. It's phenominal, and I can understand where Eminem is coming from. He has a very damaged past, and I'm glad he found a way to voice the emotions.
But a song that promotes physical violence? Deceit? What am I listening to? And it's making me crave more of it. But the more I listen to this song, the angrier I feel. I just realized this today. And it's not okay. And I don't know if you noticed the downward trend into heavier sounds and more depressing lyrics.
I can't wrap this up nicely. It's complicated. But here's the solution I've found.
I'm not giving up such violent music entirely. Eminem is bad, but he's not the worst by far. Personally, My Chemical Romance is the most dangerous music I've ever come across...
[Give them blood, blood, gallons of the stuff.
Give them all that they can drink and it will never be enough.]
- MCR, "Blood"
As a side note, music isn't the only thing. Movies, books, even the newspaper... video games... I own 007:Nightfire, which is basically a game where you run around and shoot people. It's fun, and can be a great stress reliever.. but I don't play it too often. Because in real life, you can't lash out when you have problems or are stressed, and run around and shoot people.
I've heard it takes 9 positive comments or ideas to equal and correct ONE negative one. So if you're gonna listen to music that has a bit of a more depressing or violent nature, go for it - but for every song that tells you the world will never change and you're stuck in a dismal rut, listen to a few that really promote well being. I've been listening to Switchfoot for hours, and I'm starting to believe the world is a livable place once again, that we're not all cracked and there is something to strive for.
I'm not gonna tell you what you can listen to, watch, play, read, or participate in - but I will ask you to pay attention and think about how what you're taking in affects you and the people around you.
Anyways. Back on track. I am sitting here eating ice cream and pondering life, as I do every Saturday now (not the ice cream part ;) ). The thought I've been pondering this last week or so is this: media influence. Specifically, musical influence.
To put it simply, the music we listen to affects our mood. It can't be denied - we all have a song, or more than one, that we listen to as a pick-me-up. We all have songs we hate or that sadden us. But more and more so, I've been noticing things I hadn't before - and things I previously chose to ignore. (Yes, that was supposed to rhyme. I'm in kind of a random mood.)
But lately, as in the last two days, I personally have noticed an effect on my mood and attitude from two of the most popular songs out this summer: "Airplanes" (B.o.B ft. Hayley Williams), and "Love the Way You Lie" (Eminem ft. Rihanna).
Both are incredibly catchy. They're converting me to rap. And other things. Let me explain.
About five days ago, I was listening to Superchick and BarlowGirl. Relatively lighter (although not in material) they are upbeat and consistantly encouraging the listener to push past the boundaries of culture, to step out and show one's personality, to embrace and defeat the challenges we all face in life. It's good stuff, stuff I enjoy. Then, a couple days ago, I heard Airplanes on the radio. Love the song. Went home and found it on Youtube, and basically played it on repeat for half a day.
This song doesn't necessarily have any negative messages. It's about an artist reminiscing the days before he was famous, and before life was as complicated as it is now. I can understand that. I love my life and I'm pretty happy with where I am, but once in awhile everyone wishes they could go backward in time, to childhood, teens, whenever - to a time when nothing really mattered and we weren't required to be responsible adults, paying bills and meeting deadlines.
But for me, to bounce from happy, empowering songs to this... it made me feel very nostalgic. The second half of that day was spent listening to Thousand Foot Krutch, a band with a heavier sound than all the previous artists. They're a Christian group, but their songs are more about recognizing the pain than emerging through it.
Head to today. I looked up "Love the Way You Lie"... just felt like listening to it. I had recently listened to it with my mother and sister, and we were all singing along with Rihanna as everyone does... and after my mom's like, "That's a decent song." I was like, "It's actually not a very good song at all... did you hear what he was saying?"
The song, as most teens and young adults can tell you, is about an affair. The man is caught cheating on his lady, and she threatens to leave. In a moment of rage, he physically assaults her.
[I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength]
He swears that he loves her, that he'll never harm her. Apologies fly forth like rain, and things are better for awhile - although he admits to himself that he knows the apologies are all lies anyway:
[I apologize even though I know it's lies.]
The song culminates in a dire threat:
[I know I'm a liar, if she ever tries to f***in' leave again,
I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire.]
And hence the chorus with which we are all familiar:
[Just gonna stand there and watch me burn.
That's all right, because I like the way it hurts.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry.
That's all right, because I love the way you lie.]
I'm torn. On the one hand, I love this song. It's phenominal, and I can understand where Eminem is coming from. He has a very damaged past, and I'm glad he found a way to voice the emotions.
But a song that promotes physical violence? Deceit? What am I listening to? And it's making me crave more of it. But the more I listen to this song, the angrier I feel. I just realized this today. And it's not okay. And I don't know if you noticed the downward trend into heavier sounds and more depressing lyrics.
I can't wrap this up nicely. It's complicated. But here's the solution I've found.
I'm not giving up such violent music entirely. Eminem is bad, but he's not the worst by far. Personally, My Chemical Romance is the most dangerous music I've ever come across...
[Give them blood, blood, gallons of the stuff.
Give them all that they can drink and it will never be enough.]
- MCR, "Blood"
As a side note, music isn't the only thing. Movies, books, even the newspaper... video games... I own 007:Nightfire, which is basically a game where you run around and shoot people. It's fun, and can be a great stress reliever.. but I don't play it too often. Because in real life, you can't lash out when you have problems or are stressed, and run around and shoot people.
I've heard it takes 9 positive comments or ideas to equal and correct ONE negative one. So if you're gonna listen to music that has a bit of a more depressing or violent nature, go for it - but for every song that tells you the world will never change and you're stuck in a dismal rut, listen to a few that really promote well being. I've been listening to Switchfoot for hours, and I'm starting to believe the world is a livable place once again, that we're not all cracked and there is something to strive for.
I'm not gonna tell you what you can listen to, watch, play, read, or participate in - but I will ask you to pay attention and think about how what you're taking in affects you and the people around you.
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