Verbs Mean Actions.

I'm subscribed to the "Thriving Family" magazine from Focus on the Family Canada.  I think it's the most beneficial thing I've ever signed up for.. I don't even remember how I ended up getting it, but I've been getting Focus on the Family Magazines and I think they ended the one issue and started the second.

Regardless, Thriving Family is chock full of funny stories, parenting advice and ideas, marriage articles, and everything else you'd expect to find in a family-oriented magazine - and it's good.  Highly recommended.  To anyone.

It's a bimonthly issue, and I received the Nov/Dec issue last week.  I was busy though, so I just read it today.  It's the Christmassy issue, full of ideas for helping to teach your kids about giving and sharing, and incorporating Christ into your Christmas traditions.

There's an article on staying in love after the honeymoon stage of marriage.. and although it's meant for couples, it's so good for everyone that I thought I would share some of it here.  I quote directly.

Make Love A Verb

For many of us, the concept of love is difficult  because we never learned the right form of love.  We focus on the external qualities of love and ignore the internal.  We treat love like a noun.  It's an experience that happened.  A moment.  A thing.

But in John 13:34, we see a different side of love.  John says, simply and honestly, "Love one another."  It is not a one-time event.  It is not a fireworks feeling or a field of flowers.  It's an action.  A verb.  It's not just about choosing the right person; it's about becoming the right person, the type of person who loves the way Christ loved us.

Pay Attention To Your Heart

Imagine you are a mug with thousands of tiny beads inside.  Each bead represents a negative feeling or painful experience or unfulfilled expectation.  You are careful to keep them inside.  Then you meet someone and think she just might be the future Mrs. Mug.  So, you are gentle and thoughtful around her.  You make certain that as few beads as possible spill out on the road to the alter.

But a month or a year later, suddenly there's an issue.  She gets upset for no apparent reason; or you don't call, though you said you would; or she feels ignored.  Your mugs bump into each other, jostling your beads.  Jealousy spills out.  Anger overflows.  All the stuff that was hidden during the courtship is on display.

This is the type of situation the Bible anticipates when it implores us to guard our hearts.  When your emotional 'beads' get bumped, stop and think about what you are feeling before you speak.  Name what you are feeling with specific words: "I feel jealous" or "I feel angry,"  When you name your feelings, they lose their power.  If appropriate, tell your spouse what's going on in your heart. Healthy people stop doing hutful things when they learn what the issues are.  And they stay in love by paying attention to their hearts.

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There's more, but it deals more specifically with marriage.  The article ends, however, with a poignant phrase:

"It is possible to stay in love, but it does take more than fireworks and moonlit beaches.  Falling in love only requires a pulse.  Staying in love?  That requires a plan."

I think it's fairly clear how this can be applied in one's life, married or not.  Granted, marriage requires a lot of work... but that doesn't mean other relationships are cake walks.  If you focus on acting in love instead of feeling in love, your relationships are bound to strengthen.

Feelings are futile.  They are great indicators, but nothing more.  They can be overcome by willpower.  It happens every day... everyone gets up to go to work, or to school, and ignores the feelings of irritability and tiredness.  We don't hit people we're angry at.  People have more self control - they rule feelings.  As it said in the article, acknowledging feelings and taking control diminishes their power over us.

Actions, however, are physical.  It takes more effort to smile and greet someone you dislike than it does to just stifle the feeling and move on.  A plan shows effort.

I don't think I could say it any better than the article author does, although I just tried and pretty much failed.  But that doesn't matter - I think you get the picture, rambling aside.

I've heard often that love is a more than a feeling, and you probably have too - but it's good to be reminded.  And I don't think you could be reminded any better than the way those two points explain things.

So. Show it on the outside; wear it on your sleeve.  How will you act out your love this week?