My brother introduced me to a band called Rise Against. They have a song entitled, "From Heads Unworthy". It's got quite a bit in the way of good lyrics (recommended listening if you don't mind rock), but it's the chorus in particular that gets me.
As your castles crumble slowly
We watch them fall
The crown slips from heads unworthy
As we gain control.
I'm currently reading a book on the six wives of Henry VIII, so you can imagine that the immediate connection is made. To me, the obvious question presents itself:
What makes a head unworthy - then, or now?
For it wasn't only in the past that 'crowns' were gained or lost by reasons of virtue or goodwill. We might not have literal crowns today (for the most part), but the idea they represent is still very real.
Crowns represent authority, but they also represent a faith of sorts. I don't mean religious faith, but rather more of a belief in the person who wears it; they will treat you fairly, take your interests and concerns to heart, deal with problems that arise, that sort of thing. That they'll be worthy of the trust you've placed in them by allowing them the 'crown'.
I've been thinking a lot about trust these last few weeks. What exactly is it? How do you define trust? I think the explanation of a crown that I just gave is satisfactory enough... if you're just trying to arrive at a very basic idea. However, trust is not just a nice idea. Not just an emotion. To me, it's a tangible thing. Something that is given, taken, felt, and used. It has weight. A lot of it.
What does it take to make a person trustworthy? To me, it's all about that confidentiality agreement. You know, the one you sign when you open a bank account, go to a lawyer or a doctor.. yeah, them. There are, or should be, in my opinion, confidentiality agreements between friends.
You see, you trust a lawyer or a doctor because you have to, because they know a lot about something that you don't and therefore cannot handle adequately. You might not like the guy, but you have to trust his opinion as a trained professional (theoretically, I know there's such things as second opinions!). You trust a friend because you want to.
But there are levels and limits. I do not tell everyone everything. The friend I met over the Internet, but never actually met, does not need to know my personal address <- common example. My coworkers don't need to know if my parents and I just had a fight (no, we didn't).
There are some people I've known for years and years that I would not tell things to, because I know they like to talk and I might not trust them to keep my confidences - or maybe they might, but somehow, friends find out and the fire is lit. I'm sure you've seen it happen. There are others I've known for less than a year that I would easily spill my guts to, because they've proven themselves able to discriminate between what should and shouldn't be repeated.
People have said that I'm trustworthy... but I'm still trying to figure out what classifies me as such. What makes a 16 year old girl come to ask my advice in regards to telling her father she's found a boy she'd like to date? An 18 year old boy come to me first when he's hung over and needs someone just to be there? A 21 year old man ask my opinion on why his friend may not want him to make friends with a certain girl - a 40 year old mother request parenting advice on her teen who's pushing boundaries - a woman in her fifties, over YouTube, ask for my take on how to deal with her daughter's emotions after a difficult divorce?
All those examples are true. I don't have experience in relationships, so I can't account for a few of those. I've never parented teens - only taken care of children. I have been through divorce, but I was only four..
Why do they ask me?
I suppose it's because I've learned to listen. I've learned to watch, to not make mistakes others have exemplified for me. To follow the advice of people I respect. That the best option is never revenge, but compromise. That the more respect you give, the more you will get.
However, most important to me, and I think to others as well, is that I know how to keep a secret.
I think that's what more people in this world need than anything else - someone just to listen, to comment when asked, but not to repeat. To not judge, to understand, to sympathize, to just lend their shoulder if that's all that's needed... to be the friend we all wish we had, but often don't.
And you know something? The more I try to be that person for others, they are those people for me. That 18 year old is one of my best friends, and he often allows me just to sit - no questions, but recognizing that I just need someone there, to sit in silence and let me think it out. The 21 year old is the person I go to when I need to talk, when I'm frusterated, when I have questions floating about in my head.
That YouTube woman? I haven't talked to her in years. I think we only talked about two weeks, actually. But she called me her "little counselor." I took it to heart - I know I'm not the most knowledgable person on this planet, but I do have something. I share what I know when I can.
What about you? Are you anyone's "little counselor"? COULD you be? Are you trustworthy enough to allow other people to have faith that the crown will not slip from your head?
People will place that crown of trust on your head sooner or later... don't fail them.
That's very good babe. Trust is one of those things that is taken for granted anymore, people just don't trust each other anymore. And sometimes you don't have control over whether or not you get one of those crowns--sometimes you just find yourself in a position where you need to give good advice, or keep a secret you don't know how to. It can be very complicated sometimes, but it's still very important.
ReplyDeleteAll we can do sometimes is give the advice to others that we would want to be given. I've had multiple situations over the last few months where something has been told to me, and I've had no idea what to say. How much is too much? How much is too little? What do their hearts need to hear more than anything else? What can I say that is going to make everything better?
Good word babe. Love ya <3
Taia