Every year for the past nine, I've aided my dear mother in cooking for a highschool three day camp out at a local Bible camp. We prepare meals and snacks for between 100-150 people, including students, teachers, band members, whoever shows. Because the school goes every year, alumni often show up to visit old friends and teachers (I am an alumni as well, for two years).
So this past Wednesday I'm up at the camp, cooking away, and as usual, some alumni show up, my friend Julian* in particular. Julian had been at university at the other end of Canada, in the east, for the past year. I hadn't seen him much in the summer, but I missed him quite a bit recently. So I'm talking to him, and he says he's leaving the following day. What I understood was that he was flying to Asia, the next day, for up to five years, the reason being school.
Now, I had been on my feet helping prep food all day - about 15 or 16 hours - on only five hours' sleep. I was already exhausted. This news just broke me.. especially since I was just finding out the day before he left. I ended up in tears.. which really confused him.
Thankfully, I was wrong, as he mindfully explained. He was leaving the next day, but to go back to university in the east. And he was going to Asia, but it was WITH school (not FOR it), and he'd only be gone three months. He promised he'd be back to visit in January. This was awesome for me and helped a lot, but by that point I was already emotional (yay tiredness!)
Less than an hour later I find out from another friend and volunteer that a guy I love and respect, and basically look up to as an elder brother - has a job interview in Vancouver on Friday (remember, this was Thursday night), and may be moving soon. Bang - tears come again.
THENNNN I was talking to my best friend, who happens to be in her second year of nursing school, and her husband's in his second year of a Bachelor of science, to become a doctor. She tells me that she and Andrew* will most likely be moving to a remote area in Africa for two years after he finishes his medical degree, because there's a program that if you do that and use your training to help underpriviledged people, all outstanding student loans will be forgiven. Bam. Tearjerker number three. (Remember that I was very overtired and emotional, and give me a break.)
So after most everyone had gone to bed and the teachers were doing a last walk to check for straggling students, I sat in the camp kitchen and had a good cry. All my friends were talking about university, moving, careers... and pretty much all of it involved moving away. I felt very left out (I have no desire to move away, and I'm not sure what I want to go to school for yet..).. and I also felt very alone - which caused to post as my status on Facebook:
"I think I might go back to a life without friends... it doesn't hurt as much then."
Obviously, I got some backlash from that from.. you guessed it.. my friends. Including a very sweet and understanding text message from a friend in Alberta, which read:
"Not too much, I just saw a rather depressing facebook status on your page and wanted to see what's up and if you needed help with anything?"
I didn't receive any of this until the next day, as I had posted pretty late. But as I took my very depressed self outside for a walk around the camp, I saw the school youth pastor, who I've known for nearly half my life. So I talked to him a bit, and told him how basically everyone was leaving but I love my hometown and don't want to go anywhere, ever.. but it looked like I wouldn't have anyone left. And he said, "You find new people."
Simple, just that. Find new people. At first, my reaction was that I have great friends, I didn't need or want anyone new. But I thought about it as I made my way back in to the kitchen, and I realized that all my life, I"ve been finding new people. Life doesn't end when friends leave. Especially with technology.. phone, internet, texting.. it's not like I can't ever talk to them again. Yes, it hurts when someone close to you moves away, even for a short amount of time (such as university).. but I'm realizing that it's not the end of the world. I've actually done this before, and sometimes I don't talk to that person as much, but we're still friends. And we always will be. My life isn't over, and as the pastor said, I will find new people. Because life is all about progress and change. We learn from the past in order to forge through the future.
“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.”
I'm learning that life has seasons. We don't have to let go of what we've learned and who we've loved, but we do have to let go of the past, because what was can no longer be. We've all changed, done things, been things, that we never have before, nor ever will be again. My life has not ended because of it. I've only grown stronger - and I've still got all my best friends by my side. I am not alone.
* Names have been changed.
No comments:
Post a Comment