For Love or Money?

Love.  In my opinion, the most emotionally, physically, mentally, and almost any other -ally loaded word in the dictionary.  Also the most confusing.

What is love?  I searched for some quotes and definitions, just to see how other people have defined it.  Here are some of the best:


FROM KIDS

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."  - Terri (age 4)

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." - Bobby (age 7)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend you hate." - Nikka (age 7)

“Don’t say you love somebody and then change your mind — Love isn’t like picking what movie you want to watch.” - Natalie (age 9)


FROM ADULTS

"It is one of the most difficult questions for the mankind."  - love-sessions.com

"Lust is about physical attraction and acting ONLY on physical attraction. Love is about much more than that." - teenadvice.com

"Real love demands sacrifice that can’t be found in self-centeredness. You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving." - AllAboutGod.com

"Love is ecstasy and torment, freedom and slavery." - time.com



FROM THE DICTIONARY

"Love is the emotion of strong affection and personal attachment." - Wikipedia

"A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person." - Dictionary.com

"Strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties." - Webster
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I would say those are all fairly accurate.  Fairly.  Accurate.  They each have a piece of what it is to love.  But there is so much more.

The Bible classifies love into three categories:

i) Eros - Erotic love.  Strong feelings toward something or someone. 

              "I love hotdogs."  "I love my new girlfriend."

ii) Philos - Love based on relationship.

              "I love my best friend because she's always there for me."  "I love my husband."

iii) Agape - unconditional

               "I'll love my child forever, no matter what."  "My spouse loves me unconditionally enough to
                forgive me for lying."

Put together, those three simple words wrap the idea of love into one, if not easily comprehendable idea, at least into understandable layman's terms.

There really isn't a "middle" to this post.  It's all background until now, and we're jumping ahead to the question.

How will you choose to love?

If you want to, love people like you would hotdogs or your favorite hockey team, and see how it works for you.  I'm sure that everyone realizes that love stemmed from attraction can be valuable in starting a relationship, but that's all it will do.  A stronger relationship requires going deeper.

The difference between philio love and agape love, to me, is this: forgiveness.  And plenty of it.  You may appreciate your best friend more than any other person in the entire world, but I know plenty of people who have one or two good scraps with said best friend, and never talk again.  It's like those scratch lotto tickets:  Sorry, you're out of luck with this friend.. better try and get lucky on the next one.

No.  Mankind is just that - mankind.  We all make mistakes.  We learn differently.  We grow up with different values.  We were made equally and deserve to be treated as such. 

Loving unconditionally does not mean that you let people walk all over you.  It does not mean that you have to even like everyone you meet, necessarily.  It means that you will treat each person that crosses your path as a person, even if you don't agree on everything. 

Two fairly recent examples in my life:

First one, we'll call the fellow Edward.  I hung out with Edward and a few other guys quite often over the summer a couple of years ago, and we continued to hang out through the winter, etc.  They all swore, and eventually I began to as well.  I decided I didn't like that, and I was going to change it.  The guys all promised they would make an effort to swear less around me, Edward included; but he had a hard time of it, partially because of his work environment where it was part and parcel of the day.  So Edward and I had a talk.  I told him plainly that I enjoyed his company and I valued his friendship, but I didn't like his habit of swearing so consistantly.  I told him that if he continued, he would be seeing me less, as I didn't want to take part in that anymore nor hang around people who did.  It took awhile and a great deal of effort, but I'm proud to say that Edward changed, as I changed. 

Example two.  Another friend of mine moved out after he got a job.  Peter started smoking and drinking heavily.  I didn't want that in my life.  I told Peter that if he and I were to continue spending time together, he would have to be sober and smoke sparingly.  Unfortunately, Peter became addicted to his habits.  Communication between us slowed, and eventually stopped for a considerable amount of time.  Just a few months ago, Peter started to clean himself up a little.  My "rules" still stand.  I don't see Peter very often, but we are talking again.

Unconditional love.  It means you set boundaries, but boundaries don't mean permanent seclusion.  It means that even if someone you love makes the wrong choices or proceeds down a path you don't agree with, you're still waiting on the other side of the line if they want to come back.  And it means forgiving, sometimes more than once.

Love is complicated.  We are complicated.  Together, it just makes a huge mess.  But it's not so bad of a mess that nothing can be done.  We ought to put effort into untangling life's little knots.  We ought to remember and follow that golden rule "Treat others as you would be treated." 

So I ask you again..

How will you choose to love?