Earlier today I was filling out an online interview for an au pair website. The questions were fairly basic and required basic responses - "What would you specifically look for in a job?" "Why did you leave your last job?" "What kind of childcare experience do you have?" "What do you like to do?"
That is, until the last question. Enter the paradigm of intelligent thought. The question was, "What do you most want to get out of life?"
Big question.
My answer?
"I want adventure. I want experience. I want love, family, relationships, friends. I want wisdom. I want truth. I want influence. I want trust. I want to be one of those crazy old people who have been everywhere and done everything. I want to be someone worthy of being looked up to."
Big questions naturally require big answers.
Many years ago I read nearly the same question somewhere else. "What do you want to be remembered for?"
Some people want to be known for their money. Some for their music. Some for their teaching. Some for their athletic ability. Music. Art. Writing. Entertainment iconic status. Architecture. You name it.
We all want to be remembered for something, by somebody. My favorite book is Anne of Green Gables. Anne Shirley, the primary character, is slightly obsessed with epitaphs on gravestones - reading them and rewriting them if she's not satisfied. We don't do very many of those nowadays. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder - what would people write on my gravestone?
Even if I left the area and moved away, and didn't die - what would people remember about me? What do I WANT them to remember about me? I've been asking myself this question for over half my life, ever since whatever I was reading asked me that question. This is what I've decided.
I want to be remembered, mostly, as someone who could be trusted with anything, whether it was just the car keys, down to the truth about why you split from that guy or girl. I want to be remembered as someone anyone could talk to, someone who listened, someone who understood. An encourager. A person who was confident in myself, who didn't follow the crowd, who made my own choices. Someone who thought things out, who asked intelligent questions and received intelligent answers. I want people to go through the yearbooks, the phonebooks, the obituaries, find my name, and say, "Oh, hey, there's Ashleigh. I remember her. She was a good friend, and I always knew she'd be there for me. She was someone I respected, someone who knew who she was and was happy with that person."
I don't know if that'll be the way things will happen, but that's what I'm working towards. I've been learning as much as I can about how to be such a person, and something I've learned is that to get or be something, you have to give or do something.
In other words, to get money, you have to spend money. If you want to have friends, you have to be a friend. What comes around goes around, and you get what you give. So, for me, if I want to be known as someone who is trustworthy and understanding, I have to make an effort to prove to people that I can be trusted, that I know how to listen. Everything starts small. Someone tells me something, I don't repeat it. I practice that thing called active listening - eye contact (which I'm not always great at but that's why it's called practicing), no distractions, open posture, repetition and confirmation of what's been said.
I've been practicing for a long time, but I can tell you that nothing about a relationship between two people ever gets easier. The dynamics of the relationship may change, but the amount of effort required does not. Everything takes work.
So, how much work are you willing to put in? You may have thought about how and why you want to remembered. Sadly, many have not. Whether you have before or not, I want you to do it now. How will people remember you? If the image you're getting isn't the one you want, you have the power to change it. Start building your character today. Steer it in the direction you want it to.
Maybe, someday, you'll have an epitaph somewhere. You will definitely have an obituary. Grow your character in such a way that when people are walking through the graveyard, or reading the newspaper, they stop and say, "Wow. I wish I had known this person. The people who they had relationships must have been very lucky." Then God will smile in heaven and whisper, "You're right. They were."
No comments:
Post a Comment