I was supposed to go see Inception tonight with a buddy, but he ended up not feeling well. So whatevs, these things happen... I decided I'd go to another movie, later, and on my own. I went to see Charlie St. Cloud.
I don't know if I'd say it was a mistake to see that movie, or if the mistake was seeing it alone, (or perhaps it was better that I was alone)... but man, what an emotional rollercoaster.
It didn't quite make me cry.. but it was close; it wasn't emotional in that sense, but for me, at least, I was finding I really connected easily to Zac Efron's character, and I've never been in that situation. That, at least, proves that he can act.
No, the emotion didn't totally come from the movie line. It was Zac. I know everyone's heard this and there's tons of debates on it, but in this movie I found him very attractive... the whole brooding personality bit as much as the body.
I found the same thing for Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner in Eclipse, which I saw just over a week and a bit ago. Everything that is supposed to make them sexy and appealing succeeds.
So I inevitably started thinking. Why am I attracted to these guys? Is it media hype, fantasy, blah blah blah? See, the thing is, they're famous. I'm not. I'll never get a chance with them and I'm not sure I'd like to, given the crazy lifestyle of a superstar. But I have fallen victim, along with millions of other people, to the star charm.
After quite some time and a LOT of reflection, I found out something about myself. Sure, those guys are all very suave and I'm sure they're great.. but it wasn't exactly 'them' I was attracted to..
Let me explain something. There's a book out called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. In this book, he presents the idea that there are five basic 'languages' that we share love through. They are:
1) Words of Affirmation
2) Quality Time
3) Receiving Gifts
4) Acts of Service
5) Physical Touch
I am a touch person. Having physical contact - be it a hug, hand on the shoulder, anything - makes me feel more secure and loved - less like my world is falling apart. When I'm afraid, the first thing I want to do is grab someone's hand and hold on for all I'm worth. Someone puts their arm around my shoulder, I feel protected, safe... you get the idea.
So, back to the movies. *SPOILER ALERT - if you haven't seen either yet, I'm not giving the plot away, but... just a warning* After much deliberation on the subject with myself, I realized it wasn't so much the guys themselves.. it was the scenes in Eclipse where Bella is snuggling with Edward on the bed, or being carried by Jacob. In St. Cloud, it was Charlie's arm around his younger brother's shoulders, holding his hand while in the ambulance, hugging Tess's near lifeless body on the rocky shore. It wasn't even the kissing in either show.
This attraction to the idea of physical contact makes life hard. Because, you see, I am not ready for marriage. The very idea seems foreign. There is so much I want to do before then... but, at the same time, the idea of a relationship is slowly gaining favor in my head. But I've been realizing that right now, all I want, or would want out of a relationship, is someone to hug, to sit on the couch with and lean into. Problem. Relationships require more than that.
I don't want any of the other parts yet - maybe in a couple of years. This tells me that I'm not ready to be in one. As much as I would find emotional satisfaction in the physical touch of a guy (no, not sex. No sex before marriage - cardinal rule).. if that's all I'm desiring then there's no reason to look for one, because no relationship lasts on physical touch alone.
I know soooooo many girls who get into relationships just for one thing, be it status, sex, money, a car, a house.. you name it. Obviously, that isn't going to last. But even love, which is said to overlook most faults, can't get you everything. Relationships take maturity, and they take work. When I know that I'm not interested in working on something permanent, aka marriage, I know that looking for a guy isn't gonna happen. I have friends, both sexes, that I can hug and joke around with.. but that'll be it, for now.
So, the question. What tells you when you're ready to enter a relationship? Have you considered where your motives are coming from? What does that tell you about yourself?
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