A Screen Door - Filtered Content

They say the eyes are the window to the soul.  We as a species communicate in varied forms - spoken utterances (languages and sounds), body movements, written words - but nothing communicates so clearly and perhaps even effectively as your eyes.  Only the very best liars can conceal or create emotions within the eye.

Have you ever thought about how hard it can be to achieve direct visual contact?  Especially when asking a tough or risky question; even worse is when you are asked a tough or risky question.  We all know when our eyes will betray us to the person we're speaking to. 

Eye contact is powerful.  Experts tell us that when we meet a new animal (dogs, in particular, are known for this), we are not to look into its eyes because it is a form of challenge.  We've all tried that contest in which you stare at another person's eyes for as long as you can without blinking.  It's hard to do.  If you last at all, you inevitably begin to scutinize the other person's eyes and expression and wonder what they're thinking.  Authors don't describe characters' eyes for nothing. ("Her eyes were bright and merry." "His eyes were cold as steel.")

Eye contact with another person is also a trusting gesture.  Because we know we are vulnerable through them, to look another person in the eye is to make them understand exactly how we are feeling.  Think about it.  You would look at your crush much differently than the person you are currently angry with - those around you will notice, too.

Because we can't escape from betraying our emotions visually, we often choose to bypass eye contact with others, instead looking at the person's forehead, their nose, or even our surroundings.  When we do this, we miss an opportunity to build a bond - a bond that goes deeper than words could ever allow.  Regardless of who you're with or why you're with them, looking them in the eye shows you respect them as a person, and that you respect yourself - you're risking them understanding you, but you're brave enough to allow it instead of shirking their gaze and hiding behind a little wall with no eye contact.  When you trust yourself to trust the other individual, and connect with his or her eyes, a mutual understanding takes place.  They may not know exactly why you're feeling how you do, but if they're paying any attention and they know your personality at all, they'll definitely know what your emotions are.

The band Kutless said it well:

I see the hurt within your eyes
I know your pain is for a reason
You need to feel just to know that you’re alive

- Kutless, "To Know That You're Alive"

To feel is to validate who you are - it makes you human.  Humans need contact, support, and love from other humans.  That's why it's important to make eye contact in your relationships.  They know you're listening, or vice versa.  Sometimes, there are things that just can't or won't be spoken, but can be communicated through one's gaze a thousand times more efficiently.  Another band I listen to called Skillet demonstrates the necessity of eye contact in their song The Last Night.  Written about a girl running from her parents (potentially to suicide - she's already a cutter), it tells how she ends up at a close friend's and he promises she'll never be alone again, that he'll be the support she needs to heal.


This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be
The last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I'm everything you need me to be

- Skillet, "The Last Night"

The friend forces her to look into his eyes and see that he isn't joking - to look into his eyes and be vulnerable, but to find the strength she so desperately needs.

When I'm walking in the mall, or on a street, or anywhere for that matter, I make a point of connecting with people's eyes and then smiling at them - I don't know them, but they know that for that one or two seconds, someone saw them and cared.  I'd say at least 7 times out of 10 the person returns the eye contact - and the smile.  Sometimes, though, I find a pair of eyes that have lost their purpose, eyes that are distant and detached from life.  These are the people that I feel drawn to - people who need someone to lean on, to look them in the eye and tell them that they are valuable, they do have purpose, that it's okay to feel lost but that with another person to lean on, they can work through it...

I know you, who are you now?
Look into my eyes if you can’t remember
Do you remember?
 
- RED, "Never Be The Same"
 
This week's thought is at the same time simple and complex:  What do your eyes say about you?  Do you have someone you can talk to, who knows you so well that you wouldn't even have to say anything, but could just look?  Are you that person to someone? 
 
Look around you.  Allow yourself to feel what others feel, to see what they see.  Make direct contact, and show others that they are valued by your undivided attention - even if only for a moment.